The Coast Was Always Clear
by munchkinjenny05
Summary: AU. When Emily moves into the Marin's house, something happens that she never expected. Is it just a silly crush, or something more? Furthermore, is she, or the object of her affections, ready to face up to what is really unfolding between them?
1. Chapter 1

"_**There is a charm about the forbidden that makes it unspeakably desirable." - Mark Twain.**_

**Disclaimer: I don't own these characters; I'm just borrowing them for a while.**

**Authors note: This is my first venture into this fandom, and although I love this idea and this pairing I'm not sure I like how this first chapter turned out. That's why it's short; I'm not sure whether to continue it. What do you think? I've had it sat on my laptop for a while, so I figured, I'll just post and wait and see what feedback I get…**

**Credit for the idea goes to EmmieClassix of Youtube. Her video inspired me. You can watch it here: .com/watch?v=QX4McaThgFc&list=UUlTGQ_dQWhYRhDLV7gHf2kA&index=8&feature=plcp**

Emily found it impossible to pinpoint the moment when everything changed. She had always gotten along well with Hanna's mom and moving in seemed like the logical solution. She was happy with the arrangement and soon settled into the household. _Emily this is your home too, _Ashley had told her._ I want you to feel comfortable being yourself. You understand?_ Emily felt more welcome that she did in her own home. Maybe that feeling is what kick-started it all, maybe not. Psychologists might say that she was looking to replace her own mother, who had been less that supportive about her daughter's coming out. Emily wasn't sure. All she knew was that her feelings had deepened. Breaking up with Samara didn't help, the girl had noticed her distance, realised she was pulling away. It wasn't intentional. Emily couldn't decide if the break-up was a relief. When Samara asked if there was someone else, Emily had lied. There wasn't, not really. _It's just a crush; I'll get over it _she told herself.

It wasn't so easy. Her head knew she was being ridiculous but she couldn't stop her heart from racing every time Ashley walked into the room. Making breakfast became more than just a gesture of saying thank you, it became a ritual.

"You didn't have to do this." Ashley said that first time, but Emily did. She made herself wake up early especially; she looked forward to the looks on their faces, one face in particular. That smile was her undoing. Hanna had joked at first, asking if Emily was going to make breakfast every morning, but no-one expected it to turn into a routine. When Ashley called her the _daughter upgrade,_ Emily smiled, she couldn't tell her that she lived for these snatched moments before the woman went to work, that they were the happiest she felt all day. It was wrong to feel that way about your best friend's mom, wasn't it? She wished that she could discuss her feelings with someone, maybe laying it all out, would rationalise it in her own mind. _Even better, maybe they could talk me out of it._

Emily tried to tell herself that she simply had a knack for falling for the wrong girl, Alison, Maya, Paige, Samara, none of them were right for her. She tried to convince herself that this was no different, that Ashley Marin could be added to long list of unsuitable crushes that Emily had amassed throughout her life, but deep down she knew it was more than that. There was just something about her. Emily knew herself and she knew how she processed her emotions, this wasn't some teenage hormone surge. She was aware that, for better or worse, these feelings were a catalyst. They signalled the beginning of something.

It didn't help that her friends were always busy with their boyfriends. Aside from having no-one to talk to about this, it meant she had no distractions either. Hanna particularly seemed to spend all her time out with Caleb and Emily was acutely aware that she was alone in the house with the object of her desire. It was killing her knowing that Ashley was so close and yet untouchable. Whenever they did talk, Mrs Marin often made reference to Emily's sexuality, asking about her girlfriends or if there was anyone she had a crush on.__Although she didn't mean anything by it, Emily couldn't help but get her hopes up. It made her feel stupid, foolish, but she couldn't help the way her breath caught in her throat, or the blush that crept over her cheeks.

"Same rules apply for you as for Hanna.No girlfriends allowed in the bedroom, just girl friends. Wait, how will I know the difference?"

"I'll let you know." Emily replied. She hadn't told Ashley about the break-up. She was scared to begin that conversation in case she couldn't stop herself from revealing too much.

It came to a head one Friday night. Hanna was out with Caleb and Emily was sat in their room trying to read. She could hear Ashley banging about in the kitchen. She had descended the stairs and was entering the kitchen before she could stop herself. She took a seat at the counter, just watching as Ashley emptied the dishwasher. _How does she manage to look so sexy doing something so mundane? _She looked away, her sharp intake of breath alerting the other woman to her presence.

"Oh hi, I didn't even realise you were home. You hungry?" Ashley asked, she busying herself with preparing a microwave dinner for one, but she stopped and looked at Emily.

Emily bit her lip, trying not to blush. "Are you sure you want company?" She felt bad enough that she had almost been caught leering without intruding on Ashley's alone time.

"Absolutely." She replied with a grin. Emily smiled back. She really wanted to stay. They exchanged small talk for a few minutes. It was nothing meaningful but Emily was overjoyed to just be in Ashley's company. "Why are you okay having frozen dinner with me on a Friday night? Where's Samara?"

It was the question that Emily had been dreading. "That didn't work out." She responded carefully. Ashley wasn't satisfied with that answer. _She's a mom; it's her job to pry._ Thinking of Hanna reminded Emily how careful she had to be. She took a deep breath.

"Beyond repair?" Ashley asked gently. Emily nodded. She knew she couldn't be in a relationship with anyone else right now, not how she was feeling, it wasn't right. "Are you sure? When the other person isn't there sometimes you tend to make up their side of the conversation, which isn't fair to either one of you."

"I've done that more than once." Emily admitted. She'd done it with Maya. There had been so many questions then. She was transported back to that time, how hurt she'd been. _I need to learn to guard my heart better. _Emily knew that was true. It was a greater fact now than ever before. This infatuation was too risky. She closed herself off, getting ready to walk away, back to the refuge offered by her room, with its locked door. _I'm going to get myself in trouble. I need to stop. _She got up.

"Thanks, Emily. Thanks for making a rough night a little less rough."

Just like that she was sucked back in. The words ignited hope in her heart. _She likes me, just a little; this isn't just in my head. She likes me, I can see it. _The kiss when she initiated it wasn't passionate or all-consuming. It was chaste, barely a peck. Even before she ended the embrace, Emily was analysing it. The gentle pressure of their lips, the way Ashley craned her neck ever so slightly, the tilt of her head. Especially the way her lips parted slightly, opening to Emily, involuntarily or otherwise. "Goodnight." She whispered, beginning to walk away.

"Emily, wait!" She spun, but the sharp tone of voice indicated that this conversation wasn't going to go the way she had hoped. "Look, you are living here and I'm responsible for you, a makeshift guardian. I was trying to be a friend, nothing more. I'm sorry if misled you or gave you the wrong impression. That should never have happened."

"You liked it." Emily whispered. She exhaled loudly, a sigh escaped. "I know you're lonely, it's okay, you don't have to be, neither of us do. I shouldn't have ambushed you like that, so I'm sorry if I caught you off guard, but I don't regret it."

"Emily, stop. It was a mistake. I think it's best if we forget it ever happened. It's just a silly crush; you'll find somebody else, someone your own age."

"I'm not a kid. I broke up with Samara because I can't stop thinking about you."

Ashley sunk down into her seat, shock etched all over her features. "Emily, enough." She had been trying for an authoritative command that was clear, but Emily thought it sounded like a plea.

"I know what I want." Emily replied, turning away. "Let me know when you do."

She raced upstairs, shutting the door and bracing herself against it. Her heart was hammering against her ribcage but she couldn't agree for a second that it was a mistake. She had been yearning for that for the longest time, she refused to regret it. How could something that made her feel so amazing be wrong? Ashley would come around, she had to. Emily wasn't letting go of this, she didn't care what it took. _I'll make her mine._


	2. Chapter 2

**Sorry for the delay in updating. I hope you all had a good Christmas. Thanks to those of you who reviewed the last chapter and asked me to continue. I hope you like this. It's not that long but I didn't have much time.**

**Also, it's kind of angsty, but it's only natural that Ashley would fight her feelings. She's not ready to give in to Emily yet. I added the cute Emily/Hanna snuggle to cheer myself up. I love their friendship and it's going to go through the wringer during this story, so I wanted a nice scene while I still could.**

Breakfast was more than breakfast that morning. It was a silent challenge laid down. It was Emily's acknowledgement to Ashley that she wasn't going anywhere and wouldn't be avoided. _You have to deal with this_ her eyes communicated wordlessly, trying and failing not to linger as Ashley hung back in the doorway, coffee and jacket in hand, meaning to slip away soundlessly. Emily wouldn't let her go. She pulled out Ashley's empty chair with exaggerated slowness, smiling at the romantic gesture.

"Breakfast is the most important meal of the day." She responded, conscious of Hanna's presence at her side.

"Yeah mom, what's so urgent that you have to rush off." Ashley eyed her daughter and admitted defeat, sinking into the waiting seat. Emily allowed herself a grin of victory. She ignored Ashley's guarded manner. _She just needs some time. _Emily was content with that as she sipped her juice, stealing glances at the woman who wilted slightly under her intense gaze. Emily looked away, not wanting to push her luck. _Slow down, _she told herself as her heart skittered against her ribcage. She made perfunctory small-talk with Hanna before the blonde rushed off to meet Caleb.

The instant when they were alone, time stretched out before them. As Ashley got up hurriedly and began to clear the plates Emily noticed that her hands were trembling. "Do I make you nervous?" She whispered in a rare moment of boldness. Ashley made her crazy, causing her to say or act in ways that she would have deemed inappropriate before. It seemed totally right. Ashley blushed, keeping her eyes downcast.

"Emily please…" She began before checking herself and falling into a silence that screamed that she wouldn't be baited. _ I don't want to play games_ Emily thought. However, the alternative was worse. _I can't just do nothing. _Instead, she rose from the table and gathered the remaining mugs and cutlery. Their hands touched for a moment and Emily exhaled loudly, her skin tingling as she reached to entwine their fingers. She relished the touch. Ashley pulled away as though scolded and Emily had to fight the sounds of protest that threatened to burst from her lips. She tried to be rational, to see things from the other woman's point of view, but it was just so hard when her entire body ached for another kiss. _It's a difficult situation _she reminded herself, but nonetheless she was unable to still the small sigh that escaped when Ashley raced away. The loud click of the door signalled that she was alone. Emily shook herself and switched on the dishwasher, her sole chore, already eager for the hour when Ashley returned from work and she could see her again. _If that makes me a stalker, so be it._

Emily couldn't focus on the demands of school or swimming and she had no interest in her friend's petty dramas because they didn't compare to what she was suffering through. This period of time was all just an obstacle in her path. She wanted to go home. She and Ashley needed to talk. _Strike while the iron is hot, that's what dad always says. _No matter what the outcome, this conversation couldn't wait much longer. _I'll give her a few days and then ready or not she has to deal with this._ Emily stuck to her resolution. As difficult as it was, aside from a few snide glances when the woman was occupied, Emily ignored Ashley as much as she was able. They barely spoke unless Hanna was there to act as a buffer, and Emily retreated to the library on those evenings that her itch was too great. Neither Ashley nor Hanna commented on the changes that had come-over Emily and it was hard to know whether or not to be relieved.

Finally, a throwaway comment from Ashley made on the phone to a friend irked Emily. She overheard them discussing about how Hanna, and therefore Emily by proxy, was too young to stay out past curfew, and this statement prompted to break her relative silence. She waited until Hanna went out and charged into the kitchen where Ashley was opening a bottle of wine. "You think I'm a kid, don't you!" She exclaimed angrily. "I'm not, and you're not my mother."

"Don't I know it?" Ashley replied with her head in her hands. The wine bottle thudded against the counter top as she put it to one side hastily. "You need to stop this Emily, I thought these last few days you'd been making a real effort to get over this, and now…" She trailed off shaking her head._ We're back to square one_ Emily thought, completing the sentence.

"Is that what you thought I was doing?" Emily scoffed. "I was trying to give you some time to process what's going on between us."

"There is no us!" Ashley snapped back, staring her down.

"There could be though, just answer me this. Would things be different if I was someone you met at work or in a coffee shop?"

Ashley wrung her hands. "I don't know. There is no point in wondering, you'd just be torturing yourself. I don't want that, this is the way things are Emily, it's your turn to except that."

"I'm not stupid, I know it won't be easy, but-"

Ashley cut her off, her arms folded over her chest. "But, nothing. I don't want to discuss this anymore."

"I do. We need to." She leant closer, emphasising her point, knowing that a single counter was all that separated them. Ashley moved back, lengthening the gap again.

"There is nothing more to say. I'm sick of repeating myself. I'm running out of ways to tell you that this was all a big mistake. This school girl fantasy that you've dreamed up, it's never going to happen, end of story."

Emily stormed out, wounded by the harshness of Ashley's speech. She felt like she was running up against a brick wall. Her desolation was crushing. She had lost. She wasn't going to get the girl this time; there was no sunset happy ending. _That can't be it. This can't be the end. _Again she wished that she had someone to talk to, but none of her friends would understand and her dad was miles away. She collapsed onto her bed and wrapped her arms around herself. There was no comfort to be found. She cried, making no attempt to stifle the sound. She hoped that Ashley could hear because she deserved to know. _I hope it makes her heart hurt_ Emily thought bitterly burying her face in her pillow.

She awoke some time later, disorientated in the semi darkness. The knowledge that she had cried herself to sleep and the reasons why hit her again. A fresh torrent of torment washed over her. She looked at the clock 8.45 the dial blinked dully in response. Emily paced the room, feeling caged. _Maybe I should get some air, clear my head? _She decided that it couldn't hurt and slipped silently out of the stillness of the house. She had no idea where Ashley was and she tried hard not to care. _It's none of my business. _There wasn't exactly an abundance of places to go in Rosewood on a Wednesday night, so Emily just started walking. The destination wasn't the point, so it was of little consequence when she found herself darting between streetlight beams in the direction of the park. It was a good place to think. She wasn't sure how long she sat there, but nobody came looking for her, not Ashley, not Hanna, nobody. After a while, the chill that crept over her forced her hand. She had to retreat. Go home. It no longer seemed like such a positive prospect.

She didn't announce her presence when she re-entered the house. It didn't seem like there was anyone around to care. She crept back up to her room, and was surprised to see Hanna tucked up in bed. It was such an unfamiliar sight that she did a double take, undressing with quiet precision. Instead of crawling under her sheets, she made a bee-line for Hanna's bed, desiring company and comfort, and the warmth of another person sleeping happily by her side. She secured the covers back around them both.

"Em, where have you been?"The girl mumbled sleepily. As Emily's arms moved to encircle her waist, she twisted to look at the other girl. "Are you okay?" Emily didn't answer, just snuggled in closer.

"Goodnight Han." The blonde murmured something by way of response before falling asleep again. Emily decided that she could be content with her friends if that was how it had to be. It might hurt now, but she had endured worse. With Hanna next to her, the loneliness wasn't as acute. Emily drifted off to sleep and prayed that tomorrow would be the fresh start she needed.

That morning was the first that she didn't make breakfast. She didn't budge from Hanna's bed, despite the blonde's protests and nudges. "Are you sick?" Hanna asked. Emily shook her head and insisted that she was simply tired. _Nothing more. _

"I haven't been sleeping well, that's all." Hanna didn't seem convinced but she didn't question it and if she begrudged having to make do with cereal she didn't show it. Only when she was sure that Ashley had gone to work did Emily break free from the confines of the bedroom. _There is no way I'm doing this every morning. _She poured herself some juice although she wasn't thirsty. Emily gulped it down, wincing slightly at the acid taste that flooded her tongue and placed the tumbler into the dishwasher. She was about to turn the machine on when she noticed the mug, still smudged with traces of lipstick, left in the rack. Her heart stopped. _I can't do this._

"Em, are you ready to go?" Hanna's urgent call broke the spell. She shook herself. _Get a grip Emily._

"Just coming." She replied, slamming the door on the dishwasher and listening to the soft hum as it came to life. _There is no other choice._


	3. Chapter 3

**Here's the next chapter. I hope you like it. Please review as always. Feedback is love, especially for this story which I sometimes lose confidence with.**

**P.S- I coined badass Emily first. New episode Emily is totally in line with her ballsy "I want her so I'm having her" attitude of previous chapters. LOL!**

For the next few days Emily kept her head down and her mouth shut. It was easier, though that's not to say that it was simple, if she didn't look at or try and talk to Ashley. They had both made their feelings plain and a stalemate had been reached, neither wanting to back down. The atmosphere when they were in the same room was unbearable so Emily stayed away from the house as much as possible. The last thing she wanted was for Hanna to pick up on the tension. Mostly she went straight to the library after school and stayed there until closing. She had been tempted to ask Spencer if she could stay over at her house for a while, but that would raise too many unwelcome questions. Spencer Hastings was the kind of girl who wouldn't rest until all the answers had been accounted for and Emily didn't want to subject herself to that amount of scrutiny. Not now, she was too delicate, liable to spill her guts without much prompting. That was dangerous. If her parents heard about any of this she would be sent packing from Rosewood so fast that it was likely her head would spin.

_Suck it up _she told herself as she massaged her aching temples. She felt like she hadn't slept in days although she slumbered so deeply that Hanna often struggled to wake her in time for school. She was sleeping too much if anything, usually in bed by 10pm and abandoning her early morning runs. Sleep was safe and controlled. Nothing could hurt her in her dreams; Emily could have anything she wanted. When she snoozed she could visualise Ashley in her arms every night if she wished. It was her waking life that was the problem. Her concentration was shot, she couldn't sit still and food had no taste. She had never felt so swept up by someone before. That was why it had to be more than a crush. Infatuation faded, it didn't grow day after day until the force of her feelings threatened to tear her apart.

There was still half a day of school left and all she wanted to do was close her eyes. Her swim coach had already yelled at her that morning for her lack of enthusiasm. She had eyed her listlessly unaffected by the criticism that would have previously mortified her. It was all so wrong. Swimming was her great love, her reason for being. These feelings were making a mockery of that, but she couldn't bring herself to summon up the energy required to fight. She was running on her reserves as it was. As she walked the halls to her next class, the lights seemed too bright; the background chatter seemed loud and harsh in her ears. When she fell, slumped on the linoleum, all that Emily could register was relief. The darkness was waiting to welcome her with open arms.

"Emily?" Her eyelids flickered open and she realised that she was in the nurse's office. "Emily, honey you passed out, we've called Mrs Marin to collect you. She's on her way."

_Great, just what I need._ Emily tensed. She should have taken better care of herself. "I'm fine; really, I'll just go back to class…" She got up to scramble off the bed, a spark of pain from her ankle flaring up in angry protest at the movement. She winced, trying to hide her discomfort.

"Afraid not, you twisted your ankle when you fell and hit your head pretty hard. No more geometry for you this afternoon." The nurse replied gently. "Just stay here, Mrs Marin will be here shortly." Emily flopped back onto the bed with a sigh. She couldn't believe that she had gotten herself into this mess. "Speak of the devil, here she is." Emily swivelled her head instinctively towards the door. Her eyes locked with Ashley's for a second before she glanced away guiltily.

"What happened?" Her tone was sharp and brisk, all business. Emily let the nurse fill her in, chewing on her bottom lip sullenly.

"I'm sorry." She whispered, breaking the tense silence that had fallen as soon as they left the building. Ashley fiddled with the length of her seatbelt, not meeting the younger girl's eye or offering any words of her own, of either comfort or chastisement. Emily wished she knew what Ashley was thinking, but as ever, she was distant. Her feelings, whatever they may be, were locked away far from anyone's reach. "I didn't mean to."

Ashley sighed and started the car. She didn't speak until they were pulling up to the house. "I was worried." She stated quietly offering no elaboration of any kind. Before Emily could respond she sprang out of the vehicle, racing around to open the passenger door. Her arm was extended, offering support. She leant heavily upon the other woman's steady frame. The sharp twinges of pain undercut any butterflies she may have normally experienced at the close contact. Once she was safely deposited on the couch, Ashley busied herself fetching cushions and blankets, Emily's comfort the only priority in that moment. "Can I get you anything?"

"I'm okay. You've done more than enough honestly. You should go back to work; I never wanted to drag you away. I know how hectic things are." Ashley exhaled loudly, looking like she was fighting her temper. Emily wasn't trying to make her angry, quite the opposite; she was trying to let them both off the hook from what would otherwise be an undoubtedly awkward afternoon.

"I'm staying to take care of you."

"Because you have to or because you want to?" The question slipped out unexpectedly and Emily immediately wished that she hadn't said it. Nevertheless she looked at the other woman expectantly, her chin jutting out.

Ashley's face fell. "Emily, don't…"

"It's a simple question."

"Is it?" Ashley retorted quietly before slipping out of the room. Emily was left seething, furious that she couldn't follow.

"You're not supposed to leave me alone when I might have concussion!" Emily called. It was a cheap shot but she wasn't above taking it. Ashley rushed back in, placing a glass of water and some painkillers on the table so hard that the glass rattled and some of the liquid spilled. She cursed mopping up the tiny puddle with the edge of her sleeve.

"Is it too much to ask that you make this easy, just this once?" She muttered.

"I'm sorry. Please don't send me back to Texas!" Emily hated how she sounded as she pleaded. Her voice was small and timid, so much like the child that she so often protested to Ashley that she wasn't anymore. "I'm trying, really I am." She added, trying to make her tone sound resilient. She failed, succeeding only in sounding tired and slightly pathetic.

"I wouldn't ever do that. I made a promise to your parents and to you. In spite of everything, I know that you have a life in Rosewood and it is important to you. I'm trying to stop you from throwing that away."

"I'm sorry." Emily said again. She didn't have anything else to offer.

"At the risk of sounding like a broken record-"

Emily didn't let her finish. "I know, I know." She replied sadly.

"I'm not sure you do Emily, you're 17 years old." _Juliet was 13, love has no "you have to be this old to ride" restriction_ Emily thought, but didn't say. Her argument couldn't possibly hope to hold much weight when Ashley was stood glowering at her. "Not forgetting the fact that you are also my daughter's best friend. This is serious."

"Do you honestly think I don't realise that?"

"Then why don't you care!" Ashley yelled, losing her composure for the first time. She clamped her hand over her mouth as if trying to force the unwanted explosion of words back in.

"I do, that's why I'm such a mess, but I can't just turn off my feelings to make everyone else feel better like you can."

"Well maybe you should start, because this is getting us nowhere." The words were so quiet that Emily wasn't sure that she even heard them over the faint ringing in her ears. She shook her head, wishing she could clear it. If she could only think clearly it was possible that she wouldn't be reading so much into every statement Ashley made. At present, it was like there was a double meaning behind every phrase. "You should get some rest." For once, she didn't argue.

She must have fallen asleep because when she awoke the light was straining to penetrate the darkness in the corners of the room. She heard Hanna's cheery voice in the kitchen talking to her mother and was taken aback. The blonde hadn't left Caleb's side in days it seemed. "Han?" She called as loudly as her dry throat could manage.

"So you're awake. Cool, I'm glad, you had me worried Em." Hanna remarked as she breezed into the room.

Her presence made Emily feel happier at once. The girl sat next to her on the couch and they ate snacks and watched movies for the rest of the night. It felt like old times but it also left a bitter taste in Emily's mouth. _Ashley is right._ It reaffirmed in her mind that everything she had been trying to do was wrong. She'd been pushing this knowledge aside and she had been selfish. She needed to leave Ashley alone for Hanna's sake if nothing else. That was clearer than ever as she basked in the girl's company. _Hanna is my best friend_ she repeated to herself over and over. _Just focus on that_, the voice in her head said. Continuing to want and pursue this would just hurt everyone. _So stop._

"I've really missed you." Emily announced softly as the credits rolled. Hanna looked away from the screen. She squeezed her hand tightly and smiled widely in agreement.

"It has been too long since we hung out. I'm sorry for that. I didn't mean to neglect you, and so I've decided that starting tomorrow I'm declaring an Emily day. No Caleb or Lucas, no interruptions, just you and me, okay?"

"I'd like that." A genuine smile spread over Emily's features for the first time in days. This was just what she needed.


	4. Chapter 4

**It's been a while, thanks for sticking with me, and for all the lovely reviews. It may be totally inappropriate but I totally am loving this pairing. I hope you like this chapter; it's kind of filler, mainly dealing with Emily's attempts to move on. Of course, things are never that simple when Ashley Marin is involved lol.**

Hanna stayed true to her word and Emily had been forced to admit just how far off the rails she had strayed in the blonde's absence. It felt good to really have her best friend back. Emily went along with the assumption that her recent bout of depressive behaviour had been caused by her break-up with Samara and nothing else. _Keep it simple_ she told herself. At least by blaming a broken heart she wasn't totally lying and it gave her an outlet for some of her emotions.

"It just hurts so much you know, she wants nothing to do with me." Emily lamented with her head resting in her friend's lap. She tried not to be overcome with awkwardness at the realisation that she was in fact discussing Hanna's mom. It was safer to bury that thought.

"I thought you broke up with her?" Hanna asked, never ceasing her comforting strokes of Emily's hair. _Shit._ That was the only stumbling block.

"It's complicated." Emily retorted quickly.

Seeing the state that the girl was in, Hanna quickly drafted in the others, dragging them away from whatever had been keeping them at a distance. To their credit, in spite of everything, they rallied around. It made Emily happy. Seeing them all together she felt normal again. It was as though she was transported back to the beginning of the year before the shadow of Texas loomed over her head. She considered again her earlier proposition of staying at Spencer's house, but Hanna was being so caring that she didn't want to hurt her feelings. Moving out would be like a slap in the face. _It'll be fine. _Emily decided to focus on returning to her old routines. She saw the girls regularly and that was key to her efforts to be better. Even so, she was thankful that a lot of their activities involved sleep-over's at the Hasting's place, as a little distance from Ashley only strengthened her determination.

She also attacked swimming with a renewed vigour that was noticed by both her team mates and the coach. "It's good to have you back Emily."

She had to admit that it felt good to be back. She had lost herself these last few weeks, Being honest with herself it was clear that she hadn't really been right for months. _Well, I'm back now._ _Better than ever. _She didn't even mind having to do a make-up test for English class on a Friday afternoon. Normally she would have rushed straight home after school to intercept Ashley or hidden in the library or the park. She was doing neither anymore. She wasn't distracted now and determined that her grades this semester wouldn't suffer as a result of her earlier pining. She had college to think of, so she sat at her desk, cleared her mind and began to write.

Luckily, they weren't studying _Romeo and Juliet_ this term. Emily didn't think that even with all her good intentions she could handle that. Ironically though, the chosen book _Wuthering Heights _was worse. Emily felt conspired against in her quest to move on, but she had identified strongly with the text and read in avidly during her self-imposed exile so the essay was easy to complete. If nothing else, Emily felt as though she could connect with the themes of doomed love and the destructive nature of unresolved passion. She finished well before the time limit and as she handed in her paper, she felt lighter. It seemed that she had purged her thoughts through writing and she felt lighter and she stepped out into the weak afternoon sunlight. _This is a new beginning._

She went back to the Marin's with renewed confidence. She was no longer afraid of running into Ashley. It really appeared as though she had turned a corner. It was such a relief not to be waging a war with herself. She'd had no concept of how wretched she'd felt until she stepped back and gained a new perspective. The feeling had smothered her so long; it was only now that she remembered how to breathe. Emily had no desire to torture herself anymore. She stepped into the kitchen with a smile on her face. Her plan was to settle down with a hot chocolate, finish up her homework and get an early night. That idea wouldn't be winning her any cool points, especially at the beginning of the weekend, but it was just what she needed.

"Emily, I didn't hear you come home, is Hanna with you?" Ashley's voice sounded weird, tight and on edge. She was about to ask what was wrong when she noticed the candles and pair of wine glasses laid out of the table and the good china was shining in the candlelight. _Awkward._ Emily knew a date when she saw one and it was obvious that she was not the intended recipient of this lavishness.

"Ummm no, I had a make-up test at school so Hanna went to Calebs." Ashley nodded, relief etched all over her face. They stood there for a moment in uncomfortable silence. "Anyway, I'm just going to…" Emily gestured to the kettle and retrieved a mug. "Then I'll be out of your way. I have homework so…"

Ashley didn't meet her eyes and there was a hint of a blush. "It's fine, go right ahead. I need to go change anyway." Emily gulped at the mental imagery that flooded her vision. She managed to nod. With that Ashley disappeared. Emily was glad.

She made the quickest cup of hot chocolate in history and raced up towards the direction of her room. There was no way that she wanted to be in the vicinity when the woman emerged in her finery. She was trying, but she was only human after all. Unfortunately she just wasn't quick enough. She had overfilled the mug, which made it hard to walk quickly and meant that she lingered on the upstairs landing for longer than usual as she wrestled with the door. Ashley came out of her bedroom in an elegant, figure hugging black dress. Emily's chest constricted at the sight. There was no point trying to hide her emotions when faced with such beauty, it was impossible. She couldn't tear her eyes away.

"Wow." It came out sounding more like a gasp but it was enough for Ashley to notice her staring. She smiled self-consciously.

"I take it that means that you approve." It was the most light-hearted thing that Emily had heard her say in the longest time and she couldn't help but grin. "It's been a while for me, so…" She trailed off, not wanting to make Emily feel uncomfortable. Neither wanted to think about the prospect of the date unfolding downstairs and Emily thought about offering to go out, but she couldn't summon the required energy levels. Her tiredness won out over any potential embarrassment and at least the woman wasn't rubbing the date in her face, not intentionally at any rate.

"Don't worry, you look amazing." Emily had no control over the way that her heart fluttered when Ashley looked at her and mouthed a thank you, it was involuntary. She really did mean what she said without motive._ She could be supportive, couldn't she?_ Besides, it seemed like something that the other woman really needed to hear in that moment. _She wasn't lying so what was the harm?_ The doorbell rang so Emily closed her bedroom door and settled down for the night.

A crashing sound woke her sometime after 11pm. Emily feared the worst. Her mind went to a dark place, picturing masked intruders trawling through the house. She picked up her cell phone, her finger hovering over the 9 before she took a deep breath and decided not to jump to conclusions. _It could be anything. _ Reluctantly she swung her legs out of bed and went to have a look. She wished she had a baseball bat or some kind of weapon, but empty handed, she prayed it wouldn't come to that. She crept downstairs with her heart in her mouth. What she found was reassuring on the one hand, and horrifying on the other. Ashley was slumped on the kitchen table. Emily surveyed the empty wine bottles with a sigh.

"Your date didn't go well then?" Emily didn't expect a response. The evidence was right there in front of her and Ashley looked barely conscious.

"He was…a…jerk." She slurred.

"I'm sure he was." Emily began to clear up the mess. She knew that the woman would be in no fit state to do it herself in the morning and she didn't relish the idea that Hanna would be greeted with the sight when she came home. The blonde would be mortified if she knew her mom was dating. Emily resigned herself to clean up duty. She shoved the bottles into the recycling without bothering to rinse them and stacked the plates in the dishwasher as fast as possible. The kitchen looked normal then, except for the prone figure hutched over the table. She scooped her up, bracing herself to take the dead weight. Emily prided herself on being fit, but it was still a struggle, especially navigating the staircase. "Help me out here, move your feet, come on, you have to walk." She grunted. Ashley made some indistinguishable noise.

Emily was getting nowhere and almost gave up and settled for leaving Ashley on the couch. _What about Hanna?_ She pushed on and eventually made it. It occurred to her that she had never been in this room before. She hoisted Ashley onto the bed, making sure that she was propped up safely on her side. She pulled the blankets over her and watched as she sighed contentedly. Emily indulged in a brief look around, she wished she could snoop in the daylight or at the very least put the light on, but she didn't want to disturb the other woman now that she was comfortable. From what she could see, the room was a perfect embodiment of how she viewed Ashley Marin. It was minimal with very few personal items on display, but it wasn't cold or clinical because the colours were warm and rich. Her curiosity satisfied, Emily made a move to leave.

"I'm sorry." Ashley mumbled, half-asleep. Emily jumped at the sound. She had no idea if Ashley was even aware of her presence in the room so she couldn't be sure who she was apologising to, but Emily hoped that it was for her. Wishful thinking or not, she had a small smile on her face as she left the room.


	5. Chapter 5

**Please let me know what you think about this chapter, I wanted what happened between them to be rather sudden, I figure when Ashley finally cracked that's how it would go. However, I'm worried that it came off a bit like a bolt out of the blue. So, opinions and feedback would be great. **

**I also wanted to set up the basis for some Emily/Toby Friendship from this point on because I love their interaction on the show. Enjoy! **

Emily approached the kitchen with trepidation. Considering the state the woman was in the previous night, she doubted that Ashley would have emerged from her room just yet, but she was fearful nonetheless. She wasn't sure how to approach things when their paths crossed. _Do I mention it or pretend it never happened? _She decided to leave the decision up to Ashley about whether or not they would discuss or gloss over it. She didn't have to wait long. Emily was just finishing her cereal when she was blindsided by the sudden appearance. In an instant Ashley was there in her peripheral, making her jump and causing her spoon to clatter loudly onto the floor. There was no point trying to hide the reaction so she simply ducked down and picked up her spoon, no longer interested in the remainder of her breakfast.

"Uh…Good morning, did you sleep well?" She ventured. Emily didn't feel comfortable doing more than alluding to how Ashley ended up in bed; she was reluctant to start an argument so early. The other woman anticipated the question and it was obvious she appreciated that Emily didn't blurt out something sarcastic as Hanna would have done. She wore a tired smile.

"Emily, this is kind of awkward, but, I wanted to tell you that I'm sorry and say thank you. I probably didn't last night, so…" Emily shook her head, shrugging off the act of contrition. It wasn't like it was some huge nuisance.

"It was nothing." She replied sincerely. "_Besides, you did thank me last night." _She added silently to herself.

She got down from the counter and stepped forward slightly before deciding that physical contact, even a reassuring wasn't a good idea. It would only make Ashley more skittish if anything, and Emily hadn't seen this level of anxiety and tiredness in a while, the woman was more on edge than Spencer, and that hardly seemed possible. Instead, she took a deep breath and kept her hands clenched at her sides. _This nervous energy is rubbing off._

Ashley sighed. She didn't seem to know what to do with her hands either and finally ran them through her hair a few times. "I should never have you put you in that position, especially as I constantly seem to be intent on reminding you that I'm the adult in this scenario. I didn't exactly re-enforce that last night, so for that, I'm really sorry. It won't happen again."

"You say that a lot." Emily whispered, her intent wasn't malicious or bitter, it was merely a statement. She was almost thinking aloud.The reaction those words received was a slightly tense frown.

"Whenever I'm around you I make a lot of mistakes." That statement left Emily reeling. She hadn't even begun to comprehend all the possible meanings before Ashley was out the door. Emily had no idea where she was going and she was too stunned to follow.

The phrasing was deliberately vague and almost cryptic. _Was it possible that she was regretting how she'd acted because she felt the same?_ Emily hated that her heart fluttered wildly of its own accord at the implication. She tried to push the thought away and found she couldn't. Her mind kept replaying the way that Ashley had kissed back, it was hesitant but she definitely hadn't imagined the gentle return of equal pressure against her lips. She also couldn't forget how every time they talked every refusal of Ashley's sounded like the desperate appeal of someone that was inches from caving in and breaking down. Most all, Emily was swayed by the way that the woman hadn't answered her question the day that she was tending to her injured ankle and when finally, Ashley had lost her cool it was more evocative of a lovers tiff than anything else. _It has to mean something! _

If she needed any more proof that she wasn't crazy or lost in fantasy, there was last night itself. She had never seen anyone that drunk before and Dutch courage wasn't something you needed if you were already willing. _It looked to me like she was drowning her sorrows. _Emily resolved to talk to Ashley; it was the only way to stop torturing herself with these ever increasing circles that her mind was content to create and force her along. She knocked on the bedroom door nervously fully expecting to be turned away.

"Come in." She could detect no anger or frustration behind the words so she did as instructed, slightly wary. Emily's breath caught in her throat. She'd gotten her wish, a chance to see Ashley's bedroom in the light. She tried in vain to take it all in but it was like sensory overload, a feast for her eyes as they danced over every surface. Her nostrils were flooded with the sweet musk that she associated with only one person and made her feel light-headed. It wasn't an unpleasant sensation. Ashley was staring at her and it dawned on Emily that she hadn't spoken for several moments. _Calm down._

"Can we talk?"

"I thought you were Hanna..." She clutched her bathrobe more tightly, winding the folds around herself self-consciously. Emily cleared her throat and it responded by constricting painfully. Emily fought to fill her lungs, taking rasping breathes. It felt like she was downing. She sought out the other woman's face, looking for a safe zone to focus on, an anchor. She aimed for eye contact but she was helpless to prevent her gaze hovering over full lips. She wet her own briefly, embarrassed. Emily looked down quickly, only for her scrutiny to switch to the curves of the scantily clad form. She blushed. "What do you want, Emily?"

"I need to ask you about last night. What happened?" Ashley groaned. "Look I know it's none of my business but, you seemed upset. I do still care, you know." She edged nearer and sat on the bed "Not just because… we're friends too, aren't we, before…"

Ashley shook her head but didn't move away. She locked eyes with Emily. "You know we aren't."

"Okay, so we aren't. Fine. It doesn't matter. I still care anyway, and I'm here whether you want my concern or not."

"That's the problem. You care too much Emily, you shouldn't. I wish-"

"That I didn't, or that it was okay that I do?" The silence stretched out between them, and Emily could see teardrops glistening on the older woman's eyelashes. She reached out and brushed an escaped droplet from her cheek with the pad of her thumb. "I'm sorry, that was unfair of me. I shouldn't have said that. I guess I make a lot of mistakes around you too."

Ashley exhaled gently before her head lowered and buried itself in dark brown hair. Emily nearly fainted on the spot. She shifted a little until they were both comfortable, afraid to move too much and break the spell. That's what this all felt like, an illusion. Any moment Emily expected to wake up. She bit her bottom lip; they were tingling as she tried to resist her desire to taste the other woman again, properly this time. She swallowed hard, not wanting to scare away Ashley and ruin this moment between them when it already felt tenuous, and dream like at best. Before she could properly react, Ashley tightened her grip on her curls and with that simple action came the revelation that they were both equally in the moment.

_Oh my god_. _This is really happening. _Knowing that for once, the other woman wasn't fighting her, she took a chance. Her lips pressed against the elegant curve of Ashley's neck. Emily heard the faint moan; half- buried in her hair, and began to kiss a trail along the soft skin at the base of the other woman's throat. Encouraged and feeling brave, her tongue sought the tender flesh experimentally. The next moan was louder, and Ashley tugged her locks guiding her head upwards so that their mouths crashed together. There was nothing innocent about this second kiss, their lips collided fiercely, with an unmistakable hunger. A shiver ran down the length of Emily's body. She whimpered as Ashley sucked on her bottom lip. Coherent thought had been overridden by desire and as they broke apart, she could scarcely gasp much less speak. _Wow. _The enchantment was broken quickly.

"Jesus, what the hell have I just done? Oh my god, oh my god!" Ashley was rambling as Emily stared dumbly. She placed a hand over hers, stopping her before the woman began ripping her hair out. Emily entwined their fingers offering what little consolation she could.

"It's okay. Calm down."

Ashley snatched her hand away. "Okay? This is so far from okay. I kissed you! How can I calm down? You're young enough to be my daughter, Christ, you're my daughters best friend, how could I?" She hung her head and began to pace the room.

"I kissed you first. It's not your fault; none of this is your fault."

"This isn't grade school Emily. Fuck."

"Do you want me to go?" She took Ashley's chin gently and tilted her head so that she was looking her straight in the eyes. "I can stay at Spencer's, tell me that's what you want. Say the word and I'm gone."

"I…It's …" Emily couldn't take it anymore. It was like they were acting out variations of the same scene over and over. She had to go before she said or did something that she regretted. She couldn't and wouldn't regret the kiss but now her head was spinning and her chest hurt. She made a spur of the moment decision. It was all she could do. She couldn't stand the way Ashley was staring at her. She'd caused that turmoil. It was better if she removed herself from the situation, the way she should have done days or even weeks ago. _Too little, too late, _her inner voice mocked. She ignored it and tried to stay strong.

"You need time I get it. I'll be back in a few days, we can talk then. Whatever you decide, I'll do it. I'll even go back to Texas if you think that's for the best. I never meant to fuck with your head. I didn't plan any of this."

"I know." The words were small and broken. They cemented her resolve. _I'm sorry._ She couldn't say it again.

Emily didn't take much with her, mostly because she couldn't focus on what she had to pack. She threw some random belongings into a bag and hoped that would suffice. It every book she read or movie she saw, the protagonist only needed one kiss to get the girl. There had been two now, and each one only seemed to bring her more angst, send her further away from where she wanted to be. _If my life is a movie, it needs a rewrite._ It was all so confusing. Ashley had kissed her, yet she was the one apologising, the one who had to leave. It might have been her own suggestion but that didn't mean it was what she'd actually wanted. She was trying to be sensitive to what was going on in Ashley's head, but it was hard to know what to do or say when everything was such a mystery to her. _Why does she do one thing and say another?_

During times like this, she wished she was straight. _Boys are so easy to figure out._ That thought made Emily realise where she needed to go, who she could talk to. It was obvious now. _Toby._ They could always talk about anything. He would never judge her. He would just listen, his arms would soothe and then he would speak the truth as he saw it. Emily couldn't ask for more, it was just what she needed. She picked up speed, eager to reach his house before the floodgates opened. She prayed he was inside because she couldn't take being turned away by Jenna or his parents. Another rejection would be too much. She brushed her lips with her fingers. They felt bruised. The sensation matched the dull ache of her chest, the heavy ghost of longing. _I already miss her._


	6. Chapter 6

**I've had major writers block, in general so this story has suffered hence the delay and probable suckiness of this update. I've honestly had this chapter up to the "love is love" part sat on my laptop for almost a week. *Sigh* I think I'm over it now though so hopefully the next chapter will be better.**

**I kept the Spencer to a minimum for now because she is my favourite character so it is kind of intimidating to write her, I don't want to mess it up lol. I hope the Toby sweetness makes up for it.**

**Enjoy anyway and thanks for the reviews and lovely comments. I'm glad there are people out there shipping this unorthodox pairing with me.**

Emily was relieved to find Toby on the front steps reading, it was a habit he found difficult to break, even though he wasn't tagged anymore and in this instance the girl was glad; she didn't think she could have coped with knocking the door. Her strength was ebbing away and she yearned to just run back the way she came, to Ashley, regardless of everything she had promised. She slid down next to her friend without a word. He smiled, flexing the spine of his book and snapping it shut.

"What's wrong?" With two words he had waded through all her inner turmoil and come out of the other side. He saw through her, same as always.

"I still can't hide around you, can I?" She muttered quietly.

"Why do you need to, we can tell each other anything, remember?" Toby's voice was unrelentingly gentle. Emily saw the truth in his eyes, he meant it, and so she didn't even try to lie. She was sick of denials and half-truths anyway, wasn't that the point?

"That's why I came here, I need…I need you to help me, tell me what to do."

"What's wrong?" He repeated, clasping her hand this time. It all came out in a garbled rush, everything that had happened, nothing censored. Emily looked up at him when she was done, searching his face for judgement. She expected shock, disappointment but she found only concern in his expression. "Emily, I can't tell you what to do, but you don't have to deal with this alone. We can figure this out."

Emily sighed, resting her head against his shoulder. "This is such a mess."

"Yeah, it is."

"Very comforting." In spite of herself Emily laughed. Toby always could always make her feel better. His unwavering reason got through to her, the perfect contrast to her own approach which was overtly emotional. It really seemed like together they could approach this from all the angles and find a solution. Emily wished that she had sought out Toby sooner. It was just that she had learnt the hard way that sharing secrets was a good way to have them blow up in your face. This time, she didn't want to take any chances.

"Love is messy Em, look at me and Spencer, nobody wanted us to be together, but I'd fight the world if it meant I got to stay with her. You have to decide what is important. No matter how many people tell you it's wrong, only you know how it really feels, nobody on the outside can judge you." Emily smiled at the tenderness that mentioning Spencer's name evoked in him. She wondered if she looked like that whenever she spoke about Ashley.

"I could handle everybody else, but I feel like Ashley blames me and not only that, but, she's content to condemn herself too. I just want things to be okay." Toby sighed, taking her hand. Emily immediately hated herself for making him weary and inflicting her baggage upon him, however, she couldn't undo what she had done and she was sick of saying sorry.

"Just give her some time." He finally retorted.

"I'm trying, that's why I said I'd go to Spencer's. I have no idea what to tell Hanna though. None of us are ready for the truth." She ended up sounding more frustrated than she meant to as the weight of what she had done hit her again. _This is all so exhausting._

"That's easy; just tell her that I asked you to stay over because I'm worried about her being alone so much with her parents away. It's not a lie. Neither is it false to admit to Spencer that you find Hanna's house too distracting. You don't need to go into details."

"You are a lifesaver." Emily hugged him.

"Don't forget Em, we're never going to be conventional, but just remember what I told you before, in another life, different is good."

Emily broke away from the embrace. "Sometimes there is such a thing as too different though, isn't there?" That was the root of this, the problem. No matter what she felt for Ashley there was no way that acceptance for this relationship was readily coming their way any time soon. _If this was a ride, I'd ask to get off, _she thought with a sigh. Toby may understand, but he was the exception in this town. Everybody else saw in black and white. That was what she was afraid of. Emily had seen the struggles that Aria and Ezra had gone through and she didn't want the same baptism of fire. "Maybe I should let her go. What if love is a decision and I'm making the wrong ones…" She considered her thought, it wasn't a ride but she had nonetheless set the events in motion. _Would I really stop this, if I could? _She knew that the answer was the same as it had always been, in spite of the bumpy ride. _No._

"Love is love, you can't control it." He made it that simple. So, Emily carried on, she didn't back out. She moved forwards, one foot in front of the other, in the direction of the Hastings residence. She had declined Toby's offer of a ride, the walk was necessary. She needed to consider her options and consider everything that Toby had said. From anybody else, those words would sound like an empty excuse, a justification for behaviour that they didn't want to own up too, but not from Toby. He spoke a lot of sense. He always did.

Even though she was armed with her ironclad justifications, Emily knocked on Spencer's door with her heart in her mouth. She hoped that the other girl would be too wrapped up in her romantic bubble and therefore too distracted to over analyse what she was about to say. Spencer Hastings was relentless, like a dog with a bone, and she didn't want her friend to uncover what was really going on. Although Spencer didn't buy evasive, the most Emily could pray for was that she wouldn't launch an inquisition because her secrets needed to stay buried. If she did begin to question Emily couldn't afford to fold but that was easy said than done. She took a deep breath to steady her fraying nerves.

"Emily, hey, Toby said you were on your way over." The girl greeted her warmly and she relaxed a little. Toby had possessed the foresight to call ahead and do the groundwork. Emily decided right then that she owed the boy big time. "Are you sure you're okay with this, I feel bad for putting you out when you're already so settled at Hanna's." Spencer sounded genuinely regretful and Emily felt a twisting in her gut, she smiled through it, a grin that was big and fake.

"It's fine. Toby's right, it's not safe for you to be here alone so much, we're all worried." Spencer returned the smile naturally and Emily wondered if hers looked like an imposter on her face in comparison. She continued for no other reason than because she had already begun. "Besides, between you and me, you're doing me a favour, don't tell Hanna this. but I really think my GPA has dropped steadily ever since we started to share a room." Spencer laughed and Emily was glad that she had chosen a response heavily grounded in the truth. "I love her but, she chats, she sings, she snores, the Marin's is hardly an institute of learning, you know?" She willed herself to stop talking while she was ahead. _You're laying it on too thick _the voice of reason inside her head screamed in warning. Spencer seemed utterly convinced though so Emily swallowed down her doubts.

"I can only imagine. Come inside. I'll make popcorn, we can watch a movie." Emily was glad of the suggestion. A film was something to lose herself in and it meant that they didn't have to talk. Before she could get to engrossed, she fired out a text to Hanna, because even in the face of everything, her biggest fear right now was that one of her best friends might be mad at her. Such worries proved unfounded though, once the blonde texted her back right away. There were no hard feelings, she was even coming over later and bringing Aria to make a night of it. In short, she had fallen for the plan hook line and sinker. Emily felt guilty for her deceit but she was also relieved, detection and suspicion were no longer such an issue.

It gave her the opportunity to focus solely on what the hell she was going to do to settle Ashley's nerves and assail her doubts. She had come too far and risked too much to give up now. _Love is love, we can make this work._ How, she didn't know, all she was aware of for sure was that she was launching a countdown to the longest 72 hours of her life. She had opted on the walk over to the Hasting's house to give Ashley exactly 3 days to decide on their future. She had made all the moves she could; it was out of her hands from this point onwards. She could only trust that Ashley would make the right decision and stomach, as promised, whatever her choice might be.

"Are you okay, Em? You seem really quiet." She realised that the movie was over and she hadn't taken in a single detail. _Spacing out isn't good, you need to be more careful. _Emily turned to Spencer and neutralised her expression, noting that it was becoming scarily easy to trick her friends. She tried not to think about or otherwise dwell on that.

"Yeah, I'll be fine." She replied. _In 71 hours and 20 minutes _she wordlessly added. _Either that or I'll be completely dismantled._ Staying positive was the hardest part, and yet a necessary evil with a curious Spencer at her shoulder.

"Cool, what do you want for dinner?"Emily didn't know whether to laugh or cry.


	7. Chapter 7

**I'm really not happy with this chapter, hence the delay. I feel like I cannot write decent fluff unless it's for the Glee fandom. *Sigh* However, I'm getting frustrated so I decided to just suck it up and post this update. I hope it doesn't suck too much.**

**The flower symbolism is apparently totally true so I couldn't resist as soon as I discovered that. That is pretty much the only part of this chapter I'm happy with. Nevertheless, I hope you guys enjoy it. More fluff (if I can write it lol) to come, since I think this pairing are owed some.**

Considering that Emily had predicted the next 3 days to be the longest countdown of her life, they passed with surprising swiftness. For that, the girl was able to credit her new living arrangements. In spite of being clearly loved up Spencer and Toby were a lot more eager to include her in things than Hanna and Caleb had been. Emily knew that Toby was doing it because he was concerned and wanted to distract her, but she didn't mind. It actually wasn't that annoying to be the third wheel. She was astonished to find that she actually had a little fun and it made a change from all the moping and the angst. That's not to say that she wasn't a wreck and that Ashley wasn't on her mind constantly, it was just that the end was in sight, and with that notion came a sense of relief. Whatever happened next, the stalemate between them would be over and Emily was confident she could deal with it regardless of which way the tide turned. She felt stronger now. _I can do this. _

She stood on the doorstep as the clock ticked away precisely 72 hours to the second. Ashley welcomed her in before she even had a chance to knock and the suggestion that the other woman was on tenterhooks as well was comforting. Emily felt her nerves settle slightly as a result. She didn't speak at first, just held out the tiny bundle of flowers she had ordered. There was a tense moment, the seconds stretched out painfully as she waited to see if Ashley would accept her offering. As the other woman did so, Emily smiled. _I'm so glad I didn't just go for red roses. Such a cliché. _Ashley eyes scanned the card wordlessly.

_**I am thinking of our forbidden love…**_

Ashley made some inaudible sound, her head still bowed so that her expression was unreadable. Emily struggled to find her voice. "That's what the two flowers mean when given together. They're pansies and Honeyflowers." She replied. The girl had done her research and she made a mental note to thank Toby yet again for the loan of his laptop. "Do you like them?" She asked softly, hardly daring to hope.

Ashley made eye contact, her gaze unfaltering. "They're beautiful." She whispered. Suddenly it was like that afternoon all over again, she lunged at Emily, connecting their lips forcefully. The girl wondered if she was actually lying in bed asleep, and none of this had happened yet, because this scenario resembled a million dreams that she'd had. _If it is, then so be it, I hope I never wake up._ Her whole body hummed with longing as Ashley's fingers began trailing up her side before deciding to rest comfortably on her hips. The trail she forged felt like it had been scorched into Emily with liquid flame.

Suddenly, all she cared about was inching her body closer, Emily wrapped her arms around the other woman, clinging to her and pulling her in until there wasn't a millimetre of space between them. Hands and lips lingered everywhere, a flurry of desire all at once, weeks' worth of pent up lust exploding into a single embrace. A moan escaped from parted lips but neither of them had any way of discerning which strangled throat had made the sound. Emily could focus only on the sweeping tongue that longed to gain entry into her mouth. She allowed it eagerly and began to reciprocate, exploring fearlessly with her own. _This is just…_ There weren't appropriate adjectives to describe how she felt at that instant. She was floating on a wave of bliss.

Her lungs began to ache but she refused to break away, not caring if they were about to burst in the cavity of her chest. _It feels too good to ever stop. _Alongside that was the niggling suspicion that if they stopped they might not start again. The memory of last time was still raw, a fresh imprint in her mind's eye. The belief was reinforced since moments later; it was Ashley who ended it, same as before. Emily exhaled sharply, biting her lip anxiously. She expected the sky to fall in at any moment.

"I've missed you." Ashley remarked shyly. Emily's eyes widened. It was a rare admission and not remotely what she had anticipated. Her mouth curved into an irrepressible grin. It was infectious and Ashley joined in, her face slightly more reserved in spite of how she had let her guard down.

"I…" Emily's pre-rehearsed speech failed her. She was floored by the kiss and the words that followed in its wake. All her prior plans had gone out of the window. "I missed you too." She finished lamely, blushing. She allowed herself to get her hopes up when Ashley continued to stare at her, showing no sights of a meltdown. "So does this mean what I think it means?" She ventured quietly.

Ashley nodded. It was a quick tilt of her head that could have easily been missed if Emily's gaze wasn't firmly fixed upon her. "It means I'm sick of the denials and the lies. I want to tell you the truth finally, which is, that I really like you Emily. I feel more for you than I ever imagined or expected and I want us to try. That is, if you'll have me."

"Yes!" Emily gushed breathlessly. There was nothing else to say. "I just have one condition; I'd like to carry on living at Spencer's. I'm happy there and I think if this is going to work we can't live under the same roof, it's too much."

Ashley nodded, taking Emily's hand and entwining their fingers. "Okay." She paused chuckling softly. "You've got this all figured out, haven't you?"

"Of course. I've been considering nothing else." Emily's face turned serious for a moment, a shadow passing over it. She gripped Ashley's hand tighter, seeking assurance. "It's going to mean more lies and secrets, you know that, right? Are you sure you want to do this?"

_Last chance to back out. _Ashley didn't hesitate. "The reality is, Emily, that I haven't stopped thinking about you since you walked out of that door." She placed a tender kiss on her temple. "We are owed a shot at happiness, you and me." Emily wasn't about to argue that.

The rest of the afternoon passed in a blissful, dreamlike blur. She couldn't get over the fact that she could reach over and touch Ashley whenever she wanted. The novelty of being able to kiss or caress her seemed like it would never wear off. Even a gesture as simple as moving a stray lock of hair from her face made Emily shiver. _I can't remember the last time I was this happy. _None of her other girlfriends had ever made her feel like this, it was as if they just fit together effortlessly, their bodies and minds perfectly in synch. It was akin to the satisfaction of solving a jigsaw, knowing that all the pieces had been located and were coming together to create something beautiful.

Ashley eventually made dinner. She wouldn't let Emily lift a finger to help and the girl giggled as she surveyed the abundantly laid table. It was so reminiscent of the numerous breakfasts she had made to prove herself that she couldn't help it. The other woman extended her hand and escorted her to the table, pulling her chair out with a flourish. It appeared that all her favourites were there and it gladdened her that Ashley was aware of what she liked. She had been paying attention all along. It was touching to know that.

"What happens now?" They both knew that they didn't just mean who was going to tackle the dirty dishes. Emily took a deep breath, deliberately considering her response. Ashley was looking to her for guidance and so much of what was to come hinged on her reply.

"I guess I go before Hanna gets back." She retorted carefully. Nevertheless she allowed herself to be optimistic, cheerfulness creeping into her voice as she continued. "I'll see you tomorrow, won't I?" Ashley smiled back at her leaving Emily unable to contain her joy. She hugged the other woman excitedly, pulling her into a tender kiss. It lacked the fierceness of their earlier embrace yet the contact made her stomach flip nonetheless. _I love you _she thought. She didn't let those 3 words escape, it was too soon and everything was finally going right. She didn't want Ashley to retreat behind her walls again, not when she was taking tentative steps towards her. Emily already had more than she'd expected, and every kiss seemed to cement her assurance that this relationship could genuinely work, beyond lust and crushes. Emily didn't doubt that her feelings and Ashley's were real and lasting. However, she didn't want to stifle the growth before the connection between them had even had a chance. _Play it cool, _she told herself, in spite of knowing it was too late. _There is a time for eagerness and a time for caution. _Emily knew that she would have to get the balance right. That was important.

"I wish you didn't have to go." Emily sighed because phrases like that made her want to just throw caution to the wind and take the other woman in her arms. She didn't have a choice though; soon Hanna's key would be turning in the lock. _If I kiss her again I won't be able to stop. _That was the truth of it so she turned and left with promises to return falling from her lips.

The short walk back to Spencer's house seemed to last an eternity. Emily looked around at the people she passed along the way, sure that they must be able to detect a change in her. She was beaming and there was an unmistakable spring in her step. Nobody could possibly be oblivious to the glow. That was a worry, as happy as she was; she'd have to hide it better. Her housemate would see through her immediately. Spencer was no fool. _So what do I do?_ There were so many questions, challenges that she hadn't even considered. She needed a plan to account for where she was going to be, tomorrow and all the days that followed. The truth wasn't an option. _I need a decoy. _That notion was easier said than done. Emily wracked her brains for a suitable candidate. She needed somebody with something to hide or gain, an individual who would agree wholeheartedly to the arrangement without question. She decided to ask Toby if he had any ideas. _He'll know what to do_ she thought, smiling as she detoured towards his house. _He has to. I need this._


	8. Chapter 8

**Sorry for the delay. I have been busy lately. Damn life getting in the way and on those rare occasions that I have had time to write I have felt so uninspired. I hope this chapter doesn't suffer too much for my apathetic mood. It doesn't help that I have also joined tumblr which is the biggest distraction in the world, making and looking at pretty things.**

**Anyway, let me know what you think. Reviews are love and I need a bit of that right now.**

"You don't need a decoy. That would just be piling secrets on top of lies, it's too dangerous. Don't drag anymore people into this." That was Toby's final word on the matter and Emily frowned. Although he had put it bluntly, he was right. She had been hasty. However realising that didn't make the underlying issue disappear and she still had genuine concerns about how she was going to make things work long term.

So what do I do? Have you forgotten that I'm living at Spencer's now? I've been lucky so far, but it's only a matter of time before she starts asking questions."

The boy squeezed her hand reassuringly, smiling. "Don't worry about Spencer, that's my job."Despite being far from convinced Emily decided to take her friend at his word. If there was anyone she could trust it was Toby. _I guess we'll cross that bridge when we come to it. _ It wasn't a solution by any means and yet the girl knew that she was clearly in a far too blissful mood to dwell on what could go wrong.

She could still taste Ashley on her lips whenever her tongue dared to skate over the surface. Her heart beat faster each time she did so, remembering the encouraging words that she had persuaded herself only belonged in dreams. She could scarcely believe that Ashley had stood in front of her and said those things. It was real. She wasn't dealing with a one-sided longing anymore, this afternoon was proof, and it was a bone fide relationship that she found herself in from this point. Emily had gotten her wish. "Thanks Toby." She replied, slipping away. She had a lot of thinking to do before taking Ashley on their first real date.

Luckily, her relationship with Paige had proved good preparation. Emily was now well-versed in the premise of conducting rendezvous in secret and she was planning to use every ounce of what she had learned in those days. The stakes were higher but she wasn't afraid. _I can do this._ She repeated over and over as she considered, running through scenarios in her mind. She hadn't dated anyone as sophisticated as Ashley Marin before and she wanted to pull out all the stops in order to impress her.

It took a while but eventually the girl had settled on the perfect destination. It was a quaint and charming little town that she had visited with her dad years before. Walking along the river and spending hours trawling through the hidden gems with the boutiques or sampling the delights of the cafes that lined the streets would be the perfect way to spend the afternoon, and her face contorted happily as she imagined it. Ashley would be pleased by both the tranquil setting and the anonymity offered by a place where nobody knew them and Emily meanwhile would be content in the knowledge that since she had told nobody of this place; it could be theirs and theirs alone.

"What are you so happy about?" Spencer asked bemused as Emily almost skipped through the front door.

"Nothing, I'm just in a good mood, that's all." She replied, unable to prevent the enormous grin from spreading across her face. She bit the inside of her cheek to halt the flow of words that longed to slip out. _I have a date with my dream woman!_ Her brain added in sing-song tones that only she could hear. Emily raced upstairs to avoid giving herself away. Once she was calmer she could rejoin Spencer, but for now, she was unable to sit still. "I'll see you later, okay?" She called over her shoulder, not waiting for a response.

Emily collapsed onto her bed hugging her pillow joyfully. She wished that it could be morning already. She tried the childhood trick of closing her eyes in the vain hope that she could sleep away the time, however she knew that realistically she was too hyper for that to ever have any chance of succeeding. Admitting defeat, the girl opened her eyes again and pulled out her phone. She typed enthusiastically into the keypad. __

**I can't wait to see you tomorrow xx**x

The reply was almost instantaneous which, if possible, only made her smile widen. She predicted that her grin was almost maniacal by now, but she couldn't alter her expression, and variations of the smile loomed by default.

**Missing me already? I bet you've been planning since you left…**

Emily chucked, imagining Ashley's bemused smirk. The woman knew her well. _If only she could have seen me earlier, you could almost hear the cogs in my head turning. _She deliberately waited a moment before replying, leaving Ashley to ponder her reaction. Finally she couldn't stall any longer, her fingers inched to compose a retort.

**Maybe, maybe not. Are you excited?**

Emily's phone flashed mere seconds later.

**Yes, of course. I can't wait either xx**

At that, Emily sank deeper into her blankets with a contented sigh. Tomorrow couldn't come soon enough. It wasn't lost on her that she always seemed to be waiting, biding her time for something. In this instance however, Emily didn't mind, it was an exquisite kind of torment born of excitement rather than frustration. She was like a child on Christmas Eve, and this lead-up to the date was to be savoured. _Everything good is worth waiting for._

"Are you ready?" Emily called, waiting impatiently by her car. She had wanted to go inside and escort Ashley out in a gentlemanly fashion but the woman had refused. _She's right, we would get distracted. _After all she longed to kiss Ashley again now, in spite of the dangers of being seen and her internal schedule for the day. Suddenly she didn't care that there was a lot of driving to do or that they really should leave to beat the traffic. Instead she crept across the porch and into the house. She almost collided with the other woman on her way in.

"What are you doing?" Ashley had inclined her head in the direction of the car, clearly able to hear that the engine was still running. Emily ignored that fact alongside the knowledge that she had abandoned the keys inside. There was only one thing she was concerned about. She swept Ashley into her arms and kissed her like it had been weeks instead of hours that their lips last touched.

"This." She murmured breathlessly before diving in again. The moan that her sneak attack elicited sent a shiver through Emily's whole body. It was like Ashley was purring, and it was probably the most seductive sound that she had ever heard. Emily enveloped her more tightly, accidently exposing a thin sliver of abdomen as Ashley's shirt crumpled beneath her fists. The girl caressed it gingerly not wanting to cross a line that they couldn't come back from, but unable to help herself.

As she feared, the other woman tensed up a little and broke the kiss. "We should go." Ashley stammered, her eyes flickering to the clock on the wall. Emily frowned in the split second that her gaze was averted, eager not to push. _You want everything too much, slow down. _She nodded, her priority shifting back to ensuring that was a perfect first date.

They had a fair amount of miles to cover, but the journey was an enjoyable prelude. Emily hummed along to the stereo and Ashley stared out of the window trying to guess where they were headed, occasionally venturing questions. The girl provided a few subtle clues, mostly enjoying the teasing. Soon enough the expanse of road melted away and they reached their destination. Emily was buzzing with excitement and as she looked over at her passenger she noticed a similar look of uncontainable anticipation on her face. "So this is it huh? You are a dark horse Emily Fields."

From that moment on, the day went without a hitch. They strolled hand in hand through the picturesque village, and it proved to be everything that Emily remembered. She absorbed the peacefulness of her surroundings and seemingly transferred these feelings of calm to the other woman via her touch since Ashley appeared the most worry-free that she had ever witnessed. _Maybe it's just the pleasure of my company_ she thought with a chuckle. Nevertheless, whatever the reasons, she wasn't about to complain. The girl put her schedule out of her head, seeing no reason to be fettered by rigid time frames anymore. It felt like they had all the time in the world as they ambled along the sidewalk, only breaking stride to gaze into shop windows.

One store in particular seemed to hold Ashley's attention and she stood riveted, staring intently at the mixed contents of a glass case. Emily, who was a few feet ahead, backtracked towards her and followed her line of sight, but before she could pinpoint what object the woman might covet she had ducked inside. She followed diligently. "What's turned your head?" She asked softly. Antiques had never held much appeal for her. Although she conceded that there was a degree of romantic charm in the history of old objects, Emily was always concerned that she would break or lose them. Brand new objects were safer, if a bit clinical, at least easily replaced. Ashley turned towards her with a mischievous glint in her eye, shooing her away from the counter.

"It's a surprise."

Emily surveyed her bewildered. "For me?" The woman nodded quickly, craning her neck back towards the shop owner, clearly silently urging him to hurry. _It can't be. _Emily hurried over even though the mystery gift was already bundled in brightly coloured tissue paper, shielding it from view. The transaction was complete. "You shouldn't have, it's too much." She replied blushing.

"You don't even know what it is yet." Ashley took her hand again, running her thumb in a circular motion across the back absently. "Besides, you surprised me with this beautiful place, so I'd like to return the favour." Emily averted her eyes, speechless. Clearly, this wasn't going to be like any other first date she had been on before. Without another word, Ashley took the package and secured it safely into her handbag.

She gave her present to Emily later in the afternoon as they were walking by the river with the pale sun shining at their backs. The inherent romanticism of this gesture wasn't lost on the girl. The notion that Ashley had bought her anything was astounding, but when she unwrapped it she was totally taken aback by the thoughtfulness and beauty of what Ashley had chosen for her. Emily removed the paper as fast as her shaking fingers would allow and discovered a little silver antique stopwatch with an enamel face. "Wow." That was all she managed to gasp, unable to tear her eyes away as she carefully cupped her new treasure.

"I thought you could use it to time your laps when you swim."

"Thank you, it's stunning."

Ashley played with a strand of hair awkwardly, before speaking. "It's not too much, is it?" She asked softly, echoing Emily's prior concerns.

"It's perfect. I love it." Emily gushed without hesitation. The other woman's face lit up in a dazzling smile.

"I'm so happy to hear that. In fact, I want you to know that I'm just so happy full stop right now."

"I know. Me too." Emily agreed before being swept up in Ashley's arms. The kiss wasn't frenzied; it was gentle and languid, matching the pace of the afternoon. Everything just fit together and conceivably the girl didn't think she could possibly ask for more. "I wish this never had to end." She whispered as she stopped for another lungful of air.

"I can't promise that, but I can guarantee many more days like this."


	9. Chapter 9

**So, it's been a while. Real life has been a huge stumbling block to my writing time lately so I can only apologise and say thanks for sticking with me.**

**Please also forgive me the time jump. I didn't want to bore you or myself with endless fluffy filler chapters that add nothing to the plot when there are so many more exciting developments to come. I hope that you don't find the pacing too fast either, it seemed fitting given the intensity of the relationship and feelings up until now. **

Emily lay on her bed, her eyes cast upwards towards the ceiling. It was a familiar pose that she found herself adopting whenever she was alone, the long chain clasped tightly in her right hand, dangling down over her wrist so that the watch face fell level with her chin. She brushed her lips against the cool enamel with a sigh. _I wish you were here. _Emily missed Ashley less in these moments, but the feelings still niggled at her like a persistent inch. She had to admit that dating the woman of her dreams was hardly the fairytale she had been spoon-fed as a child, although they had a rhythm now, the two of them, it was hard for her only getting to see Ashley during these pre-arranged meetings. Her life was vigorously scheduled enough as a result of swim practice, and she would have rather not had a timetable for her romantic life too. However, unfortunately it was too dangerous to do anything else.

Restless, the girl pressed the watch against her chest. She imagined that the synchronised ticking was another heartbeat, keeping time with her own pulse. It didn't really work as well as she hoped but nevertheless it was all she had and it stopped her from racing over to the Marin residence and pouring her heart out beside her girlfriend's bedroom window like some lovesick Romeo faced with a sensible and slightly forlorn Juliet. Trouble already had a way of finding her without inviting it into her life, she had to listen to her head and not let it constantly be ruled by her heart. As foreign a concept as this had seemed at first, it was what kept their fledgling relationship safe. Emily gripped the polished metal in her hand, aware that in the few weeks since she had been given it, Ashley's gift had become more than a token of love, it was a kind of anchor, keeping her grounded and reminding her of everything that she had to lose and was desperate to keep.

"That's cute, a gift from a secret admirer, or a secret girlfriend perhaps?" The voice made her jump and Emily unwittingly clenched her fist more tightly around the dial. All the same it was too late to hide her treasure, it had clearly been seen. Emily grimaced, she had always been so careful and she was sure that there was nobody home. _Shit, I should have locked the door._ That realisation dawned too late and irked her.

"Oh, hi, Melissa." She smiled, hoping that it appeared at least half-way genuine. "This, it's nothing…" The lie hurt, but telling the truth would have proved even more painful. _Beware…_ Every moment that she spent in the older Hastings girl's company served as a reminder that she would likely be forever out of her depth. This girl was cunning with a cruel undercurrent that her sister thankfully lacked. Melissa was a different animal and that knowledge set Emily's teeth on edge. She clamped her jaw shut resolutely.

The girl smirked in response. "Clearly." She eyed Emily up and down before her scrutiny travelled back to the watch once more. "Don't tell me, I honestly could care less. Besides, once Spencer sees that thing she'll get the truth out of you before you can blink." She tried not to let her fear show, swallowing hard as Melissa began walking away. Her pace nevertheless was deliberately slow so that her next words reached the other girl's ears effortlessly. "You should be careful, you know, secrets never stay buried in this town."

Emily felt a chill race down her spine. She counted to 100, not daring to move or even breathe until she was sure that she was actually alone, only then did she get up, sliding the watch into the pocket of her jeans. She finally dared to retrieve the battered pair of black converse that lay at the foot of her bed. With the entirety of her being, Emily didn't want to be in the Hastings house anymore. Melissa's idle threats had touched a nerve. _She's right._ Behind the malice was an undeniable element of truth. After all, she genuinely lived under the constant fear of Spencer's suspicious mind. Most times she may have been able to shrug it off and remain happily in her bubble of contentment, but at any rate, burying her head in the sand was getting more and more difficult. A rampaging older sibling that wasn't even hers was an obstacle that she could have easily done without. _I'm suddenly glad I'm an only child._

The girl paced Rosewood's symmetrical streets, not eager to fall in the obvious trap of going to Ashley's house unannounced, but seemingly powerless to prevent her feet from dragging her there regardless. She knew that she was undoubtedly breaking all her own rules as well as the ones they had agreed upon together as a couple, but Emily couldn't stop. She'd had a shock and there was nowhere else she wanted to seek comfort, it was that simple.

"Em-?" She cut off Ashley's questioning tone with a look, falling into her arms. It that instant, they were both blind to all potential pitfalls of this doorstep embrace, it became nothing more complicated than a woman comforting the scared girl she loved. Ashley held her and stroked calming circular patterns into her back, her hands occasionally breaking away to caress the loose tendrils of her hair at the base of the other girl's neck.

Emily felt content, as though all her troubles were a million miles away. She always felt like that, floating, and she tried to desperately to land because it was necessary. It was important that she recalled her reality, that this safety net was more evocative of a snare. _It cannot last_ the voice at the heart of her lamented as she enjoyed the warmth, and at once she recoiled, doubting. "I'm sorry, I shouldn't have come here." She whispered finally, awareness of the precarious nature of their surroundings flooding back like a rush of lurid colour.

"Don't be silly, you did nothing wrong. You can always come to me."

"Yeah, but-" Her mouth was teeming with 'what ifs', already daring to picture the worst case scenario.

"I mean it, I love you, Emily." Ashley's cheeks were dappled faintly crimson at the admission, and the other girl detected the blush even in the dim light. "I should have told you sooner."

Emily shook her head dispelling all the other woman's misgivings quickly. "I love you too." She replied breathlessly. This was everything that she had longed for, unfolding before her. Nothing else mattered, not the fears or obstacles. She felt herself being pulled indoors and didn't resist, her arms starting to tangle themselves around Ashley's waist.

The kiss became frenzied in a sense that had little to do with borrowed time and everything to do with pent up desire. The weeks since their first date had been slowly drawn out, filled with snatched moments that had far from satisfied either of them. Ashley pinned her to the wall and the girl's back arched as she frantically writhed in her attempts to dispel any minuscule gaps that existed between their bodies._ Closer, more, closer_ her head screamed, spinning deliriously as she became overwhelmed by the levels of sensation and opted to stop thinking all together. She shrugged off her jeans carefully, mindful of what she had secreted in her pocket, even as she clutched desperately at the other woman's skirt. The denim hit the floor with a muted thud. _Be careful. _She was thinking about the watch, but it was a good lesson to heed generally, given this situation, she was falling fast and everything was spiralling, but she only wanted to plunge deeper. There was no going back; they had already crossed the threshold.

Emily was engulfed by the strong desire to feel only skin against skin and tore against barriers of cloth. She didn't think she had ever wanted anything so much, she simply abandoned herself to the sensation, letting pleasure ripple through her. They had barely begun and it already felt like she was going to explode. She took a shaky breath, which became a loud moan as the other woman sucked deeply against her throat. _That'll leave a mark. _ She silenced the threatening alarm bells that the warning evoked. Tonight she didn't want to be on her guard, she just wanted to surrender.

"Are you sure about this?" Ashley asked, her voice sounding as unsteady as Emily's knees felt.

The girl nodded vigorously. "You have no idea how much I want this." She retorted, panting hard with the exertion of holding back her increasing need.

Ashley's eyes consumed her. She moistened her own lips with the tip of her tongue. "I think I just might." The woman rasped. Emily slid her hand into Ashley's and led the woman towards the stairs without further comment. She was giddy._ Is this real life? _She gazed over at her girlfriend and the woman smiled. It was a wide grin that made Emily's thumping heart flutter even more erratically.

"You're amazing." She murmured softly.

The equally hushed, breathy reply followed without hesitation. "So are you."


	10. Chapter 10

**Real life has really been kicking my ass lately, so it's taken me longer than I'd have liked, but I'm back with an update. The chapter is nothing major; mostly just Emily dealing with the aftermath of the previous chapter, since it is kind of a big deal after all lol. **

**I couldn't resist sneaking in some Emashley fluff and the beginning of Spencer suspicion though, because I love both. Also, I included Toby being a sweetheart as ever, just because I can. God, I miss PLL, don't you, is it June yet?**

Emily added sneaking out of her secret girlfriend's bedroom late at night straight to the top of her mental list of the most nerve-wracking things she had ever done. She tiptoed gingerly towards the staircase, grateful of her prior knowledge of the pitfalls of a certain creaky floorboard. With every step her heart pounded, terrified that Hanna would step through the front door, home from her date, and trap her like a deer in the headlights. There were no viable excuses she could conjure up if that happened, she would have to lie and simply try and manipulate the situation for minimum backlash. Normally thinking like that, in terms of deceit would kill her, but right then, the girl didn't care. _I'll tell a million lies a second if I have to, anything to keep this, all of it. _A goofy smile spread across her face as she brushed a stray curl of hair behind her ear and caught the lingering scent of Ashley's perfume captured by the strand. If not for that and the satisfied warmth within, she would've had to pinch herself that the last few hours had been real. _It was almost too perfect. _In fact, it took every ounce of self control she possessed not to run back the way she came and curl up against the other woman again.

As if Ashley sensed this, she stepped out, making Emily jump. "Go!" She whispered breathlessly, laughing.

"You're supposed to be asleep." The other girl countered with a smirk, spinning to face her, but otherwise stubbornly unmoving.

"And you're supposed to have gone home." She couldn't argue that, but she couldn't will her feet to make the final descent. The girl was stuck at the top, looking down and backwards. She sighed. _Maybe one day we won't always have to cut things short. _She smiled again, imagining such a reality for herself and the woman standing just inches away. Ashley approached, ending the daydream, but nevertheless Emily found that didn't mind because she recognised that her girlfriend was moving in close to kiss her and she could never resist such an outpouring of affection. It was moments like these which made reality preferable to dreams in any case, and she beamed as the tip of her nose was caressed tenderly by soft lips. "I can't miss you if you haven't left yet." The other woman remarked finally with a chuckle. Emily expected such comments since she had done little more than stretch up on her toes to receive her kiss, and showed no signs of being willing to depart any time soon.

Regardless though, the girl was unrepentant and extremely unwilling to concede to that point. _I bet I could make you miss me _she thought. The girl licked her lips with deliberate slowness, barely allowing her thought process to be completed before she acted upon it, latching onto warm skin hungrily. The moans that the pressure of her mouth and the briefest touches of her fingertips elicited reinforced this sentiment and indicated without a doubt that Emily had won; she had Ashley right where she wanted her. It was a bittersweet victory though, because she had snared herself in her own trap. The fire within had been reignited, and she didn't have the time to quench her insatiable thirst for this woman.

"I wish I could stay." She murmured. The words broke the spell and Ashley disentangled herself from the embrace hesitantly. The real world had intruded again, reminding them it wasn't possible for the other girl to remain in the house. Emily however, didn't want to sever all contact, already mourning the closeness, and took her hand, linking their fingers.

"You know I want that too, but you have to be patient, okay?"

It wasn't a question. There was no alternative. Even so, the girl nodded as though there was. "Don't worry; I'll wait for as long as it takes." Emily whispered.

"I know you will." There was an edge of sadness that crept into Ashley's tone as she replied. It was always this way when they had to part ways until the next time they could meet. The uncertainty case a shadow over the pair of them that was unavoidable. They both hated the goodbyes, temporary though they may be. Emily shook herself. She didn't want to think about the fragility of connections right then, after they'd made the ultimate one. This relationship was the best thing that ever happened to her and she had invested everything, given all of her over to these feelings. That had to be enough.

Desperate to prove how worthy it all was, she didn't hesitate in sweeping Ashley up into her arms. She felt like an old fashioned movie star, and picturing her girlfriend as the gorgeous starlet in some epic Hollywood romance took the sting out a little bit. _Whatever you need to do, kid_ the voice in her head chirped. Emily spoke again to drown it out and reassure the woman in her arms for a final time. "Hey, don't be upset." Her plea was accompanied by a final caress, she was determined after all. "I can't leave until I see a real smile back on your face." She added mischievously, knowing that her tactic was unbeatable.

"I'm pretty sure that's emotional blackmail." The other woman retorted, but ultimately she was unable to stop herself from dissolving, the laughter bringing a smile back across her face. Ashley pointed to her grin. "Happy, now?" She muttered.

"More than you know."

Emily was all but shooed out of the door minutes later, having run out of ways to stall. Her mind was already busy relieving the events of earlier, hoping the images would be enough to get her through the night and however much time might pass until she could be back in Ashley's bed. The knowledge that it could be days was an agonising prospect no matter how optimistic she tried to be. Clearly, she could never regret what had happened, but leaving as she did, cemented that they might never be able to interact like a typical couple. Not that the girl was willing to come clean to Hanna or anyone else about her relationship just yet, she simply longed to spend as much time with her girlfriend openly, as her friends did with their boyfriends. It was tough to be living a 24 hour secret. Those feelings were further compounded when she got to Spencer's house to find the girl on the couch, snuggled up under blankets with Toby watching a black and white movie. _Don't take it for granted_, she longed to urge as she loitered in the doorway, silently taking in the sight of her two friends. The pair of them looked so cosy and utterly content, and whilst she was happy for them, it was impossible not be slightly mournful for herself too. Emily refused to sink. _One day that will be us, I swear it._

"Is that you, Em?" Spencer called, craning her neck so that she didn't have to rise up from where she was lay against Toby's chest. Emily winced, startled and afraid she had accidently spoken aloud.

"Yeah, it's me, I just got home." The couple were seemingly unbothered by her blatant voyeurism and Toby beckoned her into the room with a grin.

"Why don't you come and join our Hitchcock marathon?" He offered sincerely. Emily shook her head, staying where she was. She didn't want to interrupt and aside from that, she also knew it would be safer to go to bed where she would face no questions over her whereabouts. The girl moved to go, but evidently she had hesitated too long, because Spencer addressed her yet again.

"Hey, don't take this the wrong way, but are you okay? You seem distant these days and you're back kind of late for somebody who was planning to stay in tonight." Before Emily could begin to formulate a suitable reply, her friend gestured towards the TV. "Toby and I waited for you, didn't you get my text?"

Emily visualised her jeans lying forgotten in a heap on the floor for the majority of the night. It would have been nothing short of miraculous if she had managed to hear her phone anyway from that distance, much less when she was so clearly distracted. She was glad of the dim light to mask her blush. "Sorry, my battery must have died." She lied.

Spencer didn't give up, and the film had apparently been all but forgotten. "Are you sure that you're not upset, it's just Melissa mentioned that you raced out of here earlier-"

Emily exhaled sharply. She released an audible groan. _Of course she ratted me out. _"I'm fine, it was nothing. I just forgot that I had to be somewhere." It wasn't very convincing, however, her timing was spot on as the movie was reaching its climatic finale, and the other girl's attention was momentarily drawn back towards the flickering screen. Toby glanced at Emily before simultaneously wrapping his arms around Spencer. They both knew that he was the only guaranteed way of diverting her attention when she fixated on things, and she shot him a grateful smile for defusing his girlfriend when he did. Emily was too sleepy to provide a false alibi and they could both see that no good could come of letting her continue. "Anyway, enjoy the rest of your movie, I'm off to bed." She responded quickly, withdrawing from the doorway. Spencer pouted momentarily, but the last thing Emily heard as she fled was the sound of muted giggles, so she guessed that Toby had worked his magic once more. _That boy really is a godsend. _

Unfortunately, it was a shame the same couldn't be said for the older Hastings girl, and the Melissa situation was what Emily's mind dwelled on as she went upstairs. She couldn't let this lie. _I have to sort this before it gets out of hand. _The girl made a pact with herself then and there to ensure that the paranoia and thinly veiled threats wouldn't persist. The problem was, deciding what course of action to take. After all, she didn't want to antagonise Melissa Hastings even more, because to do so would be like poking a spitting cobra and Emily Fields was no fool, especially when she already had a lot of other plates to balance. _I'll have to tread carefully _she thought as she took to her bed to brainstorm, hoping that she wouldn't be forced to lie awake too long in order to solve this.


	11. Chapter 11

**It's been so long since I updated that this chapter could be terrific or terrible, I don't really know any more. Either way, I can't be sorry for the overload of Paily feelings that inspired me to finish this chapter after having the first 800 words languishing on my laptop for the longest time. Let me know what you think because writer's block is a bitch.**

Emily became an expert at avoidance. She had lain awake for a long time, the ritual lasting several nights running and the girl was still no closer to reaching a solution regarding Melissa's Hastings. She told herself that hiding away wasn't taking the coward's way out if it kept her secret closely guarded, after all, the hunger pangs she felt as a result of numerous skipped breakfasts were nothing compared to the heartbreak that would be caused if her romance became common knowledge. It was survival and there was nothing wrong in that. It was inconvenient to have to plan her day around the other girl's comings and goings, but better that than a confrontation she wasn't ready for. _The answer will come, it has to. _Failing that, the more time that passed, the increased likelihood that other gossip would invade Melissa's radar thereby stealing her interest and leaving Emily an insignificant speck in her peripherals once more. Either way, this wouldn't last forever. _Patience is a virtue. _Dating Ashley Marin had taught her the importance of that statement above all else.

The sweetest sound was the screech of tires as Melissa drove away. Only then did she feel safe to enter the kitchen without her heart in her mouth. On the few occasions that she had been unable to avoid the figure she now thought of as her number 1 foe, the older Hastings had toyed with her as overtly as a cat eying a rogue mouse and the unabashed scrutiny and her ensuing jumpiness hadn't gone unnoticed by Spencer. She'd tried to be an ally, clueless as to the source of the tension but instantly loyal to Emily nevertheless. However this unwittingly caused more problems that it solved because each unanswered question could only be put off for so long. Her curiosity and suspicion was constantly simmering under every conversation and each dig Melissa made meant that it was ever closer to boiling over. If Spencer asked her outright Emily wasn't sure she could lie to her face to the convincing degree that was required by the unrelenting brunette. That left only the truth, and once it was out, she couldn't stuff the secrets back in. She couldn't gauge what her friend's reaction might be. She pondered it often during her failed brainstorming sessions about Melissa. _Would she keep silent and if so would it be the bond of friendship or the heavy weight of disapproval that stilled her lips?_ Irrespective, the fear that gnawed hardest at the girl's guts was that the other might tell and the sky would fall. Discovery was what mattered most, she knew it, and even though she wasn't actually privy to Emily's secret, Melissa was aware of that too.

"If I keep thinking like this, I'm going to get an ulcer." She muttered unhappily, staring blankly at the coffee pot. _I can't keep this up._ "Whatever happens I need to take better care of myself." _I have to be strong, for me, for Ashley, for both of us._

"Morning." Spencer had glided into the room while her head was in the clouds, startling her at how abruptly she stood in front of the cabinet. Emily hoped her smile was surer than her hands as she awkwardly filled a large mug and passed it to her friend, still breathing heavily from her early morning run. "Thanks." In contrast, Spencer's grin was wide and effortlessly confident.

"Don't mention it." She replied, eyes down, hiding under the rim of her own coffee cup.

"What time did Melissa leave?" It was an offhand question that Emily could have answered to the nearest 0.1 of a second. Sounding like a stalker wouldn't do her any favours whatsoever though, so she downplayed her interest in her friend's older sibling's whereabouts. In fact, agonizing as it was, she counted to three slowly before answering, opting for disinterested vagueness.

"Not long ago, I guess." She tried not to linger over the depressing reality of the fact that Melissa had become like her jailor, keeping her captive in the relative safety of her room. _It won't last. _She repeated frantically to herself, her face a serene mask that betrayed nothing of her frustration, or so she hoped. All the while nevertheless, simmering under the surface was the resentment that she moved from Hanna's for an easier life. _We don't always get what we want._

Spencer sighed, cutting off Emily's internal monologue before it could really begin. "If I didn't know better I'd think that there was something going on between you and my sister."

The response was a jet of lukewarm liquid flooding the counter top as it felt from Emily's spluttering lips. Her eyes widened in disbelief. "What?"

"Honestly, Em, I know what you told me, but I can't shake the weirdness between you two. I mean, she walks in a room and you walk out, you can't meet her eye and she responds with these cryptic statements that nobody else understands. It's classic." She was laughing, whereas Emily felt a different kind of hysteria clawing at her throat. The girl's stab in the dark was scarily close to being accurate and that was terrifying. "Oh don't worry; I know you have better taste in women than that." The bemusement in her friend's tone did little to put her at ease.

Emily took comfort in the fact that her next words weren't a lie, far from it, and she told herself that a change of tact never hurt anyone. "Well, we can't all be as lucky as you." Predictably, at the mention of Toby, Spencer softened, her face turning rosy. In spite of the situation, it was always nice to witness and she smiled, showing a tentative expression that was more than half genuine. _You really have no idea how much I mean that. _

They drank the rest of their coffees in silence and she wondered if her tactic had actually worked, before remembering that the other girls would be coming over shortly and it was that which had actually occupied Spencer's mind. The girl had no doubt that their presence would put her at a disadvantage because rather than acting as an added distraction, Spencer would see Aria and Hanna as a sounding board for her increasing suspicions. She never could stop sleuthing for long, and it didn't help that her own life was largely content, giving her lots of opportunities to focus on all the ways she deemed that her friend was acting shady. _I shouldn't have snuck out so often this week. _The truth was, given the choice, she would repeat those actions over and over again, a hundred times out of a hundred, even if it condemned her. All the same, despite her lack of regret, Emily was aware that she had gotten away with too much, so it was only a matter of time before her luck ran out. All she could do was prepare herself. As it happened, she didn't have long to wait. She was on her way back from the bathroom when she heard the low voices had replaced the usually riotous giggles, a sure fire sign that Spencer was revealing all. Emily leaned close against the wood, eager to make out the damning words, though she only caught the end of her friend's testimony.

"The love bite was the clincher, she must have been seeing this mystery girl for a while, I believe, for them to leave a mark like that, since Emily isn't the type for casual flings. Therefore, if it's as serious as I suspect, why not tell us, unless she has something to hide." From behind her barrier, the girl touched her neck involuntarily, holding her breath as she waited for the other two girls to chip in.

Aria went first. "Spencer's right, we were all happy for her when she dated Maya and Samara, so what's different this time?"

Spencer momentarily disregarded the question in order to continue her rant. "I wouldn't be surprised if she moved out of Hanna's because my house is closer to their love nest." Emily suppressed a chuckle; glad that the brunette's sleuthing skills weren't infallible.

"We shouldn't be speculating like this, Em will tell us when she's ready, in her own time." The fact that Hanna was the only one to defend her made Emily feel even worse, she stormed into the room so that she didn't have to dwell on her betrayal of the most kind-hearted of them all.

She didn't bother pretending that she hadn't heard. "Since you're all dying to know, I am seeing someone. It's Paige." The falsehood fell from her lips totally unexpectedly. She hadn't known she was going to use her ex-girlfriend as a scapegoat, even as she said the words. Each girl was floored, as was Emily herself, though she fought for composure enough to meet their astonished gazes. _I've done it now, I might as well make it convincing. _It hurt to look, seeing all the emotions displayed so blatantly across their faces, which added to the reasons that she was glad she hadn't informed the group the first time.

"Paige McCullers, that homophobic girl on your swim team?" Aria muttered in disbelief.

Emily nodded resolutely. "Yes, but you have it all wrong. She hated herself, the fact she was gay, not me." That statement at least was truthful and she wanted to stop there, wrap herself in it, and just pretend that none of this needed to happen. It was too late for that, she was in too deep, and her friends' weren't about to let go anymore than she could afford to. She told herself that if she could pull this off, it would be more than a temporary reprieve, if she satisfied their curiosity that would be it for a while. She could breathe; relax for longer than a few moments at a time. The prospect sounded heavenly and it spurred her on, through the doubt and fear.

Spencer scowled, shaking her head furiously. "The girl tried to drown you; I'd say that's a big tick in the 'I hate Emily' column!"

"This is why I didn't tell you, I knew you'd react like….well, this. Anyway, she's changed." She pulled the stopwatch out of her pocket, clutching it tightly as she showed it to each girl. _No!_ The voice in her head screamed endlessly, it was the final straw, using Ashley's gift to further her deceit. Emily doubted that she would recognise herself if presented with a mirror. _What the fuck am I doing? _They had seen it now, and so she ploughed on, thinking of freedom. "Paige apologised and gave me this. We became friends at first, timing our laps together, but then…" She trailed off. It was remarkably easy to fabricate a tale but she couldn't afford to go too far. In the back of her mind she knew that she'd have to relay this to the other girl and convince her somehow to stick to it if questioned, so ultimately the fewer details the better. It made her head ache considering having to talk to Paige, they hadn't parted on good terms and now she was stuck relying on the girl to dig her out of a very deep hole.

Hanna sighed softly. "Spencer's house is nearer, isn't it?"

"I'm sorry, Han." In the last few moments those were the only 3 words that Emily had actually meant, and her chest squeezed painfully as she forced another half-truth out to follow it. "I wanted to tell you, but I promised. You've all seen Paige's dad, she didn't want her parents to find out, and so I was sworn to secrecy."

Spencer raised an eyebrow. "So, you kept us in the dark because she's in the closet?" She nodded. All the girls seemed satisfied with this excuse, although Emily couldn't bask in the relief. It occurred to her that by involving Paige, she may have jumped from the frying pan straight into the fire. She took a deep breath and hoped her friends wouldn't see that she was unable to prevent her left eyeball from twitching.


	12. Chapter 12

**It's been so long (again) and I'm really sorry. I had some writers block and then messed around with this chapter to accommodate my plans for the next. I hope the update doesn't suffer too much for that and my distractedness. There's a lot of (I like to think unavoidable) dialogue to plough through so I can only offer apologies again. Let me know thoughts/criticisms and whatever. I strive for improvement.**

"_You don't need a decoy. That would just be piling secrets on top of lies, it's too dangerous. Don't drag anymore people into this…"_

She wished more than anything that she had continued to heed Toby's advice. In fact, above all, she wished that the boy had been around on the day of her ambush. It sometimes felt like he was the only steadying influence in her life, whilst her dad was gone and Ashley was burdened with enough, he was smart and honest and could almost always be found on his front steps. However, without the ability to rewind, she was stuck with the consequences of her mouth running away before her brain was engaged. It left Emily with no choices, she'd made her bed and she had to lie in it, with Paige apparently.

It was impossible to tell if the sleepover was a genuine attempt to welcome her new 'girlfriend' into the group, or if Spencer's disbelief meant that she was still trying to snare her. _If it's a test, there's no way I'm failing._ She had to talk to Paige, to explain and beg her on her knees to attend if necessary, but before she could do that, there were two very important stops to make in order to preserve her sanity. The first was obvious. She waited until the other girl's car vanished. It wasn't lost on Emily, the fact that for the last 24 hours, the only thing her her lies had succeeded in doing was forcing her to switch her patterns of avoidance and surveillance from one Hastings sister to the other. Everything was going in a hopeless circle and she needed a healthy dose of perspective that she only trusted one person to provide. She cut off the boy's path to the house as he waved his girlfriend off. "On a scale of 1-100, how intense was she?"

He sighed and she could see the answer etched on his face. "You should ask her yourself. It's all because she's scared for you, you know that don't you?"

"I understand and I'm sorry; I never meant for all the lies to get so out of control and I especially never meant for you to get stuck in the middle of this circus."

He took a seat on the steps next to her, taking her hand. Immediately Emily could tell that she wouldn't like what he was about to say next. "What about Paige, did you mean to put her in the middle of this?" She shook her head, bottom lip trembling as she fought to hold the tears in. "Look, Em, I'm on your side, and I'm not trying to be harsh, but you need to start talking to people besides me. Don't you see, your friends feel like they're losing you to this double life."

_Them and me both. _"I get that, I do, it's just, it's a lot and I'm still trying to build up to explaining myself to Paige. I'm not ready to tackle a second round in the ring with Spencer yet." The mental image made him smile, Emily noticed even as he covered up with his free palm, and again she felt guilty. It was easy to forget in moments like this that the girl in question was his girlfriend. Despite that, he remained neutral. _How does he do it? _Her emotions were all over the place, and yet,Toby was Switzerland.

He cleared his throat. "Speaking of Paige, you can't afford to delay there either. I know it's hard but I also know about the sleepover on Saturday, what if somebody else does your job for you and mentions it to her, what'll happen then?"

"You mean Spencer." Her friend shrugged and Emily ignored it in the spirit of keeping things in check like he did so well.

"Or Aria, or Hanna. It's a very real danger that they could run into her and bring it up in conversation-"

"She'd cover for me." She retorted quickly, unfortunately the doubt that crept into her voice was unmistakable, plain for them both to hear.

"Maybe. I don't know how things ended between you two, whether she owes you or whatever, but one thing's for sure, a lot of time has passed between now and then. How can you be certain that she'll have your back when honestly, you aren't even aware of what's going on in her life right now? Anything is possible…" He was right again of course. She hadn't even considered the other girl in any of this. Everything could so easily be blown apart. _She could have a new girlfriend, where would that leave my grand plan?_

"How did it end up like this?" In response to the rhetorical question, Toby hugged her, filling the early evening air with soothing words. It consoled her more than she would ever admit. _I'm so lucky to have him. _Aloud she mumbled, "You'd make a great girl." He smiled, openly this time, and gradually her own expression matched.

"I have a proposition for you." In light of her previous comment, Emily raised her eyebrow, her mind boggling. "I'm sure that you probably feel like getting in your car and driving until you're so far away that Rosewood is just a speck in your rear-view mirror. Obviously I can't condone that even if I have been there and bought the T-shirt, though maybe I can offer you a temporary reprieve from the drama. On Friday I'm going to see about a job, it's only a few towns over, not much of an escape and it won't be glamorous, but if you want I could pick you up from school and we could go together."

It sounded like heaven. There was only one stumbling block that she could foresee. "Not to sound like a broken record, but what about Spencer?"

"We aren't joined at the hip, Em."

"Okay then. Honestly I'd like nothing more than a vacation from my life right now, even if it is just for an afternoon."

"Good because an afternoon is all you'll get. I've made myself a promise to get you safely back in time for the sleepover." The boy didn't bother to conceal his smirk. Emily glared, only half joking. _Not funny._ To say that she was dreading the whole affair was putting it mildly.

"I wouldn't be heartbroken if your trunk happened to break down on the way back or something." She joined in with the laughter although deep down she had every intention of her own of being there, right on time, to face the music either with or without Paige at her side. She'd made that decision solo. "Anyway, I should go, people to see and all that…"

He lent her a hand to get to her feet, and even if she didn't really need the assistance, she relished the opportunity to give his fingers another gentle squeeze in thanks. "Good luck I guess, I'll see you Friday."

"It's a date."

Emily didn't dawdle with regards to her second destination. She knew that her girlfriend would be alone since they had already agreed to meet prior to her false revelation. "Ashley?" It was nice not to have to whisper the name.

"In here!" She followed the sound up the stairs, and in spite of herself and the situation, the hair on the back of Emily's neck stood to attention as she pictured what might be waiting.

When she got to the doorway, the girl closed her eyes. "I have something to tell you." It was better if she came straight out with it, she decided, no kisses or greetings to steal her resolve.

"That sounds ominous." It was easy to detect the smirk behind the words even without seeing it, the thinly veiled sarcasm as clear as the footsteps that were muffled by the rug as Ashley edged closer. The last thing Emily wanted to do was destroy the mood, doubting that this rapport would extend beyond her first syllable, and yet she went ahead, telling the whole story nevertheless. There were enough lies already. "That's not so bad, I mean, you did go out with her, you're just taking some liberties with timings."

"That's not the worst of it. What I did next was definitely a lie, and I'm sorry, but I had to, it needed to be plausible…" The other woman's eyes locked with hers, waiting. Ashley's grin hadn't yet faded, so the brunette quickly averted her gaze, not wanting to see the moment unfold. "I told them that the watch was a gift from her." Regrettably, the downward tilt of her head wasn't quick enough and she caught the hurt that bloomed on Ashley's face anyway. "I didn't mean…" She faltered. It was difficult to finish the sentence. _I never meant to hurt you, to get so good at deceiving the people close to me, to give someone else credit for something that I cherish so much…_ "I'm so sorry, but they backed me into a corner. Tell me the truth, are you ready to sit Hanna down and tell her everything?"

Ashley sighed. "No, of course not, but I'm also sick and tired of the lies. It's exhausting and sometimes when I open my mouth it occurs to me that maybe it wouldn't be so bad. Perhaps Hanna wouldn't take too badly, it's not like you're becoming her new stepmother. We're just…" She paused, a long exhalation of stale air. "Oh I don't know."

Emily was aware that wasn't fair to make her girlfriend the target of her misdirected rage that should have been aimed firmly at Spencer for forcing her hand and herself for allowing it. "No, come on, finish your sentence. What were you going to say, we're just having fun, just having sex, what?" She couldn't help it, the barbed words rose unbidden from her lips.

"Stop it; this isn't just a fling for me. I love you, but I'm not going to propose marriage any time soon, that's all I meant and maybe once Hanna sees that you aren't a threat intending to replace her and that as my daughter she'll always come first, she might be willing to accept us in time." Ashley's fingertips cupped her cheek. "You can't help who you love, she understands that." It was all logical, and yet, the voice in the brunette's head couldn't stop screaming that it was wishful thinking, over and over again.

"I want to believe you, but it all comes back to the fact that, as hard as things are now, at least I get to see you, to be with you. I'm scared that when people find out we'll spend more time defending this relationship than actually having one."

"I know it's hard, but we have to keep going, there's no alternative. Unless…" Ashley's voice cracked and though she hurriedly composed herself, Emily noticed that the woman's hand trembled against her skin. "Unless you want to take a break."

She rushed forward, her eyes shining with tears ready to fall. She blinked hard, steadying herself against falling apart. _Strength, Emily. _ They couldn't both crumble. "No, never." A sob escaped from her girlfriend and she fought to erase it. "It just hurts. I never wanted to cause Hanna any pain or lie to her like this. I can't stand that I have, that I can. She's my best friend and I don't want her to hate me."

Ashley laughed. It didn't sound much different from the sob. "How do you think I feel? I'm her mother. What I've done is unforgivable."

"You can't help who you love." The girl echoed back uselessly, for a lack of suitably encouraging words. _Hopefully the honesty will resonate. It's all I have._

"Stay with me tonight." It was probably the last thing she should do, it was reckless, poorly timed and could easily negate all the lies she had told to protect them both, and yet Emily didn't hesitate to give her consent. She reaffirmed the nod and her pledge with the shifting closeness of her body and the firm pressure of her lips.


	13. Chapter 13

**I'm back with another update, hooray! I don't know what you think yet (Please tell me as ever if you haven't all disappeared after the crappiness of the previous chapter that is) but this was fun for me to write. Usually my head is filled with Paily fluff these days, thanks PLL, so to be able to include an angry!Paige which is genuinely justified felt great. **

**Oh and btw, I have no clue about the geography of Rosewood, so if anybody is, please feel free to point out if I've taken any liberties. Anyway, I'll let you read on.**

Emily rolled over and let her mouth caress the first piece of exposed skin she could find, the warm flesh that her lips met happened to be a shoulder blade, and her stomach clenched involuntarily at the sound her girlfriend made whilst still lost in sleep. She wiped the dreaming dust from her own eyes, instantly conscious that now would be a good time to slip out without the agony of goodbye. However, as the brunette did so, realisation struck. She'd snatched a final lingering glance at the other woman, only to discover that her hair was shimmering like a pile of autumn leaves. There was only one way that the dappled effect occurred and that was when the strands were bathed in sunlight. Therefore, unless her eyes were tricking her or she was in fact not awake at all, she shouldn't be bearing witness the sight, irrespective of how beautiful it was.

"Holy crap, its morning! We overslept." It was near impossible to keep to a ragged whisper. _Hanna!_ her mind screamed. _Oh shit, oh shit, oh shit…_

Almost as if summoned by the thought, the blonde's voice funnelled up the staircase, each syllable wrapping Emily's heart in ice. "Mom?! You're gonna be late for work!"

Her eyes didn't know where to rest, undecidedly moving between Ashley, now sitting bolt upright, the door which seemed ridiculously flimsy barrier without a lock, hardly a barrier to contend with at all, or the flashing alarm clock display which flashed its numbers silently, mocking the girl's growing panic. _It must be broken. _The realisation didn't help at all. She couldn't handle knowing that the scenario she dreaded most could be about to happen because of a minor technical glitch. In the end, Emily fixed her gaze in only one spot, keeping her eyes locked on the carpet in the direction that her clothes had scattered._Footsteps. _She didn't have time to dress so gathered the items and threw them under the bed; following close behind, all the while praying that Ashley wasn't too shell-shocked to shrug on her robe.

The door opened and suddenly Emily didn't even dare to form thoughts, because with her current luck she wouldn't have been surprised to learn that the last 24 hours had magically granted her best friend telepathic powers. "I'm not feeling too well, Sweetie, I think I'm going to call in sick." Despite her girlfriend's flawless lie, she held her breath.

"You do look flushed." Emily broke her vow of not thinking then, it didn't seem to matter, since her heart was surely beating loud enough to be heard through the mattress. _What are the symptoms of a heart attack, because that wouldn't even be an untruth right now, would it? _ She imagined the other woman forming a weak smile from above as Hanna fussed. "Can I get you anything, a glass of water or…?" _Ask for tea, it'll take longer._

"A cup of Camomile would be good." Ashley retorted quietly, apparently reading her mind. "But wait, aren't you supposed to be at Mona's averting her latest personal crisis? I thought the plan was that you girls would walk to school together." _Amen to that, she's not supposed to be here_. Emily ignored the niggling voice that added a snide _neither are you._

"Yeah, I just forgot my Chem notes and Spencer texted me adamant that there's going to be a pop quiz today." At that, from her prison, the girl seethed. She had never been as angry at Spencer Hastings as she presently found herself, be it irrational or not.

"In that case, forget about the tea, I wouldn't want you to keep anyone waiting." Emily couldn't have constructed a better 'get out of jail free' clause herself, but typically, the blonde wasn't taking the bait.

"Its fine mom, it's just Mona, she's fine downstairs. Besides you're sick and it'll only take a minute, she'll understand, although there might not be any coffee left for me if I don't hurry up." She took Ashley's loud and overly enthusiastic murmurings of appreciation as her cue that it was temporarily safe to come out, quickly dressing, grateful that there was no school yesterday and she'd avoided all human interaction. There would no time to change before class, especially since she'd have to hide again all too soon and wait for Hanna to leave and make a point to swing by the McCullers' house as well, so it was a small mercy at least that nobody would recognise her clothes as being familiar. Emily had enough on her mind without that little nugget of gossip getting out. They called it the walk of shame, and it would definitely live up to the name on that particular morning if she was caught.

The girl counted to 50 after she heard the door shut. Mona had long gunned the engine before she stood up, her left leg cramping from the effort. Ashley didn't say a word. _She won't look at me._ The air in the room felt stale and even though her lungs were full of dust bunnies, she knew that wasn't the reason. Guilt hung heavy between them. "I'm going to go then." It was a statement of the total obvious, but all the same she viewed it as preferable to the tense silence. Ashley had locked herself down and words, even in Emily's shaky voice, were the only thing that could pry the lock, particularly when she didn't trust physical touch not to have the opposite effect on her girlfriend.

"You can't go to school like that." Ashley replied as the seconds ticked away. Her eyes were rigidly fixed on the rails of her closet and Emily tried not to wince.

"And you don't think _that _would raise even more eyebrows?" It wasn't a question. In response, the other woman froze midway in the task of rifling through the hangers. Strangely, although the rustle of clothes created barely a sound, the silence when it stopped appeared deafening in contrast.

However, that didn't mean the brunette was happy to hear it filled. The tones she was subjected to were almost painful. She couldn't bear to picture them alongside the sounds made hours before. _Had it been night time or a lifetime? _"Then go back to Spencer's, get showered and changed."

"I'm already late, and I need to try and catch Paige before homeroom, it's not an option."

"I'll write you a note; I'm still your guardian in effect." Ashley's voice went from lifeless monotone to a clipped, overtly brisk pitch that didn't sit reach her ears any smoother. The exchange was so matter-of-fact that it made her stomach churn.

She snatched the pen mid-line. "Don't, please."

"Go get ready for class, Emily." It was useless to argue. The switch had been flipped, standing before her wasn't her Ashley, it was Mrs Marin. Just like that, the other woman had taken a giant step backwards. It was a total shutdown that she didn't have the time or energy to navigate. She'd lost, and the best that could be hoped for, was that the emotional blackout was temporary and they would be able to find their way back. It hurt to think off all the progress going down the drain. _I can't go back to the start, not again._

The girl exhaled sharpily before resignation forced her to nod, but all the while, she couldn't stop her mind reeling. _This feels like a fuck you. _Continuing screaming inwardly, Emily turned left at the end of the street. She was supposed to go right and that was precisely why she wouldn't._ It's a stupid waste of time._ Stubborn or not, the brunette didn't care at all about her dishevelled appearance, regardless of the stares it would draw. Even if some small part of her had for a second, everything else inside forced her to rebel against the re-emergence of the old Mrs Marin. It wasn't right, she wanted her Ashley back, but failing that, since it was made clear that she wasn't allowed to stay and work at that, the girl intended to take care of some business. Head in hands, she bypassed the supposed detour and headed straight to Paige's house, praying silently that she wasn't too late to catch her.

The fact that the two girls practically collided at the screen door was the icing on the top of a spectacularly crappy daybreak and in addition, one glance signalled that Paige wasn't exactly in a cooperative mood. "What, no muffin basket?" It wasn't the type of greeting Emily had been expecting and she was able to do little save for blinking awkwardly as her flustered brain tried to fathom what the other girl had said. Through gritted teeth, Paige exhaled, flipping her hair as her foot tapped in a subconscious rhythm. _It's grown a lot,_ Emily mused, but in the same breath, seemingly so had the other girl's hostility. "I was going to ask how you managed to remember where I lived, then figured you must be delivering something."

"You know why I stopped coming around." Emily snapped, trying desperately to curb her irritation.

"Well, as nice as it is to see you and I should say, even nicer that you dressed up for our little reunion, do you mind telling me what you're doing here, because I have to get to school sometime this century."

She grimaced. _Ouch. _"We need to talk; well actually, I need to ask you for a favour." There was no easy way of saying it, so she just came out with the reality of the situation; the other girl had always been fond of bluntness anyway. "I'm here to ask you to be my fake girlfriend."

"Are you joking? Emily, I wasn't ready to be your real life, yay gay, girlfriend, what makes you think-"

"It's only as far as Hanna, Spencer and Aria are concerned." She added hastily. The tension in the air was undercut by increasing desperation on the brunette's part. "Please." At this point she wasn't above begging, dignity had gone out the window alongside many other traits she used to cherish, like honesty.

"Jesus, do you girls ever tell each other the truth? You're supposed to be best friends."

"We are! That's why I can't…" Her voice broke then, splintering off into raw silence, Emily couldn't even force air into her lungs, her entire chest ached. Out of the blue, the girl was reminded of an evening way back when. Spencer was helping her cram for a Physics exam, happily explaining about the idea of a tipping point. She hadn't understood about Hysteresis so her friend had simplified the original point, citing the term as an example of that at which an object is displaced from a state of stable equilibrium into a new equilibrium state qualitatively dissimilar from the first. It had sounded like gibberish and she'd only made a C on that paper, but now she felt like she finally understood what the other girl had been trying to say. Emily felt herself crumble; she'd reached her own personal tipping point, right there and then, in line with Paige's intense stare.

She all but collapsed on the front steps, spared only by the other girl's lightning reflexes and it didn't feel like a victory when she was ushered into the house. "Tell me." Only two words. They were quiet, less commanding, and because her ex had softened, Emily too, folded. The words spewed forth like never-ending tears, just as agonizing and garbled. The brunette had to be instructed to take deep breaths in order to make her sentences less nonsensical because all the phrases were so fractured. Afterwards, she kept her gaze fixed downward, unable to stop the reminders of how the pose echoed her stance in the bedroom earlier and ashamed of admitting everything that was sacred so quickly. Emily had utterly abandoned her secrets and it scared her. "And I thought I had issues."

"I know I brought it all on myself, but I…" She faltered yet again, unsure of the dots she was trying to connect.

"It takes two to tango, Em."

"No! I won't lie, it would be so much easier if I could lay the blame at Ashley's feet, but I can't, it wouldn't be right, I pursued her mercilessly, and I crafted the lie about me and you, this mess is all on me." As she spoke, she thought she heard Paige mumble under her breath. It sounded like _I know that feeling_, though she could just have easily been sighing at the predicament she was now embroiled in. Emily wasn't confident either way. The only thing she was certain of was that she couldn't leave her without the agreement she required.

"So, hypothetically, say I decide to help you, because I owe you one for keeping my secrets, or maybe I just feel bad for you, what would I have to do?"

Despite her every instinct urging her to downplay it, the brunette knew this moment was the clincher and she had choice but to be candid. "Mostly, it's fielding anything that the trio throw at you at school, making the girlfriend thing convincing and providing me with an alibi when I need one. On Saturday for instance, there's a sleepover, I would need you to come with me."

"For the whole night?" She couldn't decode which emotions were fuelling the question, and that in itself was troubling. Nevertheless, Emily made a show of appearing unconcerned.

"That's generally how these things work."

Luckily, from that moment, her ex-girlfriend became an open book. "Talk about throwing me in at the deep end!" She didn't have to be a mind reader anymore; it was hassle free to ascertain what fury and exasperation sounded like.

"Oh don't worry; the girls know you're not out, so constant PDA's won't be expected." It was a feeble attempt to put her potential ally at ease, but it was all she had to offer. Emily was sinking herself, and she didn't have enough of anything left over in order to keep anybody else afloat.

Of course Paige sensed that her heart wasn't in it. The eye-roll was her deserved reward. "In that case, everything is just fine and dandy then, where do I sign?"

"Come on, I wouldn't ask if I wasn't desperate." It slipped out, leaving both girls temporarily horror-struck. The brunette tore at her unkempt locks, as though with a single action she could kick start her brain and get herself out of all of this. _Oh god, wrong choice of adjective._ It was too late.

"Thanks, that's really persuasive. You're digging your own grave here, you know."

"Look Paige, I've had a really shitty morning and I'm done stepping on eggshells. Will you help me or not?"

The pause seemed endless although it couldn't have been longer than a few seconds in actuality. Emily's pulse spiked with every beat that she waited. The girl's tongue became coated the dull metallic taste of blood, she didn't flinch though, assuming that her nausea levels couldn't get higher. Her stomach was curling in, drawing itself into tighter and tighter knots. _If there is a god, please, just help me with this one thing!_

"I appreciate that, but you can't drop a bombshell like this and expect me to just nod. I need some time to process this."

"Take all the time you need, Rosewood high is what, a 20 minute walk away?"

Paige tensed. "I was planning to take my car."


	14. Chapter 14

**A/N: I'm just going to leave this here without apologies, excuses or explanations. I hope you like my efforts and give me a few words back (even if it is just to rant at me for being on hiatus for so long.)**

It wasn't a coincidence that Paige walked to school all the rest of that week. It became a habit of the other girl too. The idea was to use the time to discuss, but in actual fact they'd just take turns to talk at each other, hoping to wear the listener down. _She's so competitive, always needing to win. Just like Spencer. T_hat idea provoked a shard of pain, a dagger against her temple. It didn't escape her notice either, the irony of everything, that she always hid at the side of the house to be spared a lecture from Nick McCullers only to receive one from his daughter nonetheless. Emily was sick of being talked at and of speaking at all, if she was honest. She didn't enjoy the fact that these forced conversations with her fake girlfriend caused her to analyse everything that had happened with the actual one. Introspection hurt. It encouraged memories. A particular strand resurfaced most of all like a ticking clock. "_Go get ready for class, Emily." _It had been days and she still couldn't get that sentence and all their implications out of her head. Whenever she tried to edge close enough to Ashley's door, her feet lingered stubbornly on the porch. "_I'm still your guardian in effect." _

Her chest throbbed now as she waited for Toby's car to pull up to the curb. The metallic taste in her mouth left no room for words. What option did she have other than radio silence, Ashley hadn't reached out either, which didn't exactly stem her phobia that the sky was indeed falling. She couldn't bear even 10 minutes away from the other woman's company, as unhealthy as that made her sound and yet, how could she dare to consider that her girlfriend's heart echoed hers when she had done nothing to end the stalemate. "It's not my turn."Aware that the thought, especially when voiced aloud, awoke the childish part of her she had wilfully buried she pushed it down. The problem was, relationships were supposed to be equal, this wasn't blind courtship or endless pursuit anymore and it hadn't been for a long time. Therefore, she shouldn't continue to treat it as such, doing all the chasing and blinding running to her side. Emily had fears that needed calming too and wished for her hair to be stroked in the dark. _What's your next move Fields, think carefully. _

An answer didn't arrive, but her ride did. Toby was right on time, offering her a holiday from the real, just as she'd requested. She'd thought herself desperate for a reprieve when the boy had first asked, but apparently she hadn't known the half of it_. _Emily had still been enthusiastic then, living on the assumption that Ashley would call and they'd finally stopped going in those horrific circles. _Alison would have loved this. _"Ready to go?" It was an innocent question that evoked bitter laughter. He didn't seem to mind that she didn't, or couldn't, reply. They drove in companionable silence for a while and Emily was glad. She couldn't seem to keep a grip on her thoughts and her vocal cords at the same time, one always rant rampant, typically the latter. Unfortunately, it didn't last. In the moments before her eyes contemplated closing for a beat or two, Toby spoke up again. He was mumbling to himself, but in the truck's quiet interior, she heard him easily, just like she was meant to. "She likes stringing you along. It makes her feel powerful, I guess, I can't say that I entirely blame her. Those feelings are addictive."

It was agony to have to admit that she couldn't immediately figure out which girlfriend, be it real or pretend, he was talking about. In the end, she took a deep breath, and with it, a stab in the dark. "Paige lied to me and to herself, to everyone in fact, about us. She more than anyone, should understand how much I don't need game playing right now, not in my current headspace."

"What about Hanna, what do you suppose her headspace is?"There was no intended malice, Toby didn't have a bitchy bone in his body, but Emily reeled all the same. _He sounds just like Spencer. _It shouldn't be a surprise; she'd collected habits from every girl she'd ever dated for better or worse, it was only that these comparisons kept happening and she didn't know how to feel about that. _Is it obsession yet?_

Aloud, she retorted, "Can you please just save the guilt trips until we pass the city limits?" He stalled dutifully, leaving her certain that she absolutely didn't want to hear the words he was biting back. Instead, her own teeth found her bottom lip and sunk in assuredly.

"Look, let's just call a truce for now, okay?" She didn't nod. It wasn't the response she'd expected. Of course technically she had got what she wanted and Emily should have been overjoyed. She wasn't. The boy was her human moral compass, if he was giving up or giving in; maybe she really was done for.

"I can't do this." She didn't trust her voice not to break, so it was likely barely audible in truth, but Toby reacted as though it was a scream. He began to pull over; misinterpreting her, thinking that she meant she'd reconsidered the idea of the trip. The brunette almost laughed how wrong he was. Ironically, the car was her current island of calm, which didn't bode well for the rest of her universe, but made her reluctant to leave nonetheless. "With Ashley, I mean."

"I know it isn't my place to say this, but somebody needs to, so...all these lies and the sneaking around, it seems like a step backwards for you. I mean, aren't you sick of it?" The question was obviously rhetorical, but Emily nodded anyway. "So why are you going around in these circles?" She had asked herself the same questions a hundred times. Each time, the girl got a different answer.

_For love._ Emily was physically unable to give him such a clichéd piece of dialogue that sounded as if it had jumped straight of the pages of a Shakespearean play,in case it doomed her like those same protagonists. In the end, she opted for realism. "I don't know. I shouldn't be, I'm not ashamed, but..." It was simpler to trail off, to think for a moment and attempt to detach herself. "I suppose this relationship has never been about my feelings. It sounds stupid to say, since I made the first move, but I guess there have always been 3 people in my relationship."

Toby cleared his throat. "Em, you might want to triple that figure, what with all your friends, and now Paige, you could say that half of Rosewood has a stake in the way that your love life plays out." It wasn't comforting in any sense, and it definitely wasn't funny, and yet the laughter bubbled up all the same. _I think the correct term would be hysteria. _At a loss, she did the only thing that seemed remotely applicable, not daring to consider that it would either settle her nerves or leave them irreparably jangled.

Regrettably, Ashley's phone was immune to her emotional impulses. It rang and rang. There wasn't even the option of voicemail so with a final glance at her pained driver, and a resigned shrug, the brunette dialled another number. "Have you made a decision yet?" She tried not to sound snappy, but it didn't exactly help her temper that Paige picked up on the first ring.

"Not even a hello. Well, that was the shortest honeymoon period in history."

Emily exhaled loudly. "Please can you give me a straightforward yes or no answer, just once?"

"Oh, I see there's still trouble in Paradise then. What a surprise."

Unbeknownst to the girl at the other end, the cell phone was nearly launched from the partly open window. "Seriously Paige, I'm not in the mood."

"Alright, because you asked so nicely, I'll go to the stupid sleepover. No need to beg." Although she didn't appreciate the sarcasm, biting her tongue seemed the wisest move.

"Thanks." Emily murmured, unwilling to suffer any longer before hanging up. _Let her text me if she's got any questions. _It was petty and subjecting the other girl to her bad attitude wouldn't score her any points in the 'keeping Paige sweet' column, but she couldn't help it. The earlier agony of her head was on a par with her aching chest now. _Don't say a word, Toby, I beg you. _Her brown eyes must have willed it because he didn't; the boy was still for the rest of the drive.

All the same, she didn't know how much she appreciated that simple gesture until she was hit by the riot of sound that signalled her arrival at Aria's house. It was 7.50pm. She was early because she knew Paige would be. It was one of those little habits she'd been thinking about in Toby's car. She tapped the toe of her sneakers impatiently, fighting the urge of her fingers, which coincidently couldn't decide if they wanted to tell Paige to hurry up and join her or send an SOS to Ashley. Ultimately Emily didn't get a chance to choose, a hand pressing onto her shoulder did that for her.

"Did you miss me, honey? No wait, don't answer that yet, I'll get the door first, yeah?" There was an edge to the voice that didn't bode well for a hassle-free night of hair braiding and pillow fights.

"Are you drunk?"

"So what if I am, I'll be in good company soon enough."

She didn't take the flask away outright, it was tempting, but the fear and paranoia crisscrossing through her veins overwhelmed even that desire. _I need my wits about me. _That phrase had probably never been truer. There was no way she was letting her hair down tonight. "Please Paige..." _What was there to say? _"Just please." Emily hated the weakness, having to expose her soft underbelly over and over. Everything was hinged upon a girl that she wasn't entirely happy about trusting and that reliance ruined her more than anything else. _Behave. You have to. _

As it happened, her anxiety was unfounded because the next few minutes were perfectly staged. The other girl orchestrated it so that their lips collided and broke apart exactly on cue for the opening of the door. The audience was left in no doubt, having witnessed the kind of kiss that ensured all four girls were blushing. Only one was unrepentant, leaning in close to her ear. "I promise." Those two words set the tone for the rest of the night. It was almost too convincing.

Emily knew she had to escape it, reach out for a thread of normality, before she lost herself to the ease of the lie. _This isn't your life, it's a false projection. _It was rare for the voice in her head to be beneficial, but as this time it spurred her on in making a decision that she'd been putting off, the brunette was grateful. Ashley picked up the phone after what felt like the thousandth ring and for the second time that day she didn't bother to exchange pleasantries. The reason for her call burst forth like the stale air she had been holding deep in her lungs all evening long. "I need to tell the truth."

"Slow down, we already talked about this. Hanna isn't ready."

The voice wasn't nearly as comforting as usual. Rather than being grounded, the girl felt smothered. "I don't think there's ever a good time to tell your best friend that you've fallen in love with her mother."

Her girlfriend audibly cracked, she felt it. Everything was going wrong already. "Do you think then that you've got the monopoly on pain? This is killing me too, you know."

"Exactly my point, let's ease it, we-"

"We wouldn't be, we'd only be spreading it around."

"So are you saying I can never tell Hanna, or any of the others, because if that's your answer then-" She didn't get the chance to finish.

"Holy shit." Those two words were like separate sentences, as piercing as gunshots and carrying all the emotional impact. The exclamation was infused with so many emotions it would take an expert a lifetime to decode them all. Emily was just too tired. She was just a teenage girl, not even remotely equipped to deal with this. _I can't. I'm done. _ It was the final straw, because more terrible than the judgement and blame that she could easily pry from the syllables, was the fact that the voice wasn't coming from the other end of the phone. Instead her cell hung loosely between her fingers, forgotten for the moment as Emily spun around. _Aria. _Their eyes locked. Not a single sound, either in lonely acceptance or bitter denial, escaped her throat. There was nothing to say.


End file.
